Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander…
The first time I ever heard Oceans by Hillsong United that very line struck me. It became my prayer, even though deep down it scared the living daylights out of me. Whenever I found myself alone, I’d belt out that part of the song with increasing fervor. In adoration late one night, as I found myself alone in the chapel, I sang that line over and over again, growing louder with each repetition. This line was the prayer of my soul, that God would take me deeper into His heart.
I suppose, then, I shouldn’t have been so surprised when I started to feel like I was sinking. A friend of mine once gave a talk about this very notion: we pray to go deeper and then complain that we are drowning. In truth, more often than not, I relate to the first line of the song: You call me out upon the waters, in oceans deep, where feet may fail. That failing part? That’s the part I really understand. I can so often relate to Peter, called out on the water, walking on the water and then, suddenly…
I’m sunk.
I find myself struggling for air, swimming with all of my might, losing my energy (and arguably my sanity) trying desperately to figure out which way the surface is, much less get there. I’m praying to go deeper and then, all at once it seems, I’m drowning, with no clue how the ocean consumed me.
In some sense I feel like the frog being boiled alive. I’m perfectly content to sit in a nice warm pot, and, enjoying the warmth, I pray for it to get warmer. Then I suddenly realize the pot is boiling and I’m about to die. But…didn’t I pray for this very thing?
We pray to go deeper, often times, without realizing that going deeper is hard. Surface level is easy and doesn’t require much effort. But when we think about digging a foundation, the deeper we go, the harder it is to keep digging and making progress.
Our spiritual life is no different. We are content to stay where we are at with God, but He calls us out upon the water. Yes, our feet may fail, but He calls us out there anyway. He wants us to go deeper, He wants to take us deeper than we may ever wander on our own. But do you know what happens when, despite the difficulty, despite the feeling of drowning or being boiled alive, we manage to trust? We learn to rest in His embrace and hear His still small voice as He tells us that we are His and our faith is made stronger.
The ocean is deep, but He calls us there anyway. Despite the fact that, at times, I can’t tell you which way the surface is, I’ll keep praying take me deeper than my feet could ever wander because even if the ocean does swallow me, at least I’ll be surrounded and consumed by His merciful love.
Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders…
