just don't say it: Singlehood.

just don't say it: Singlehood.

just dont say it singlehoodMaybe I’ve got a new series going here! This week I’m giving into normal blogging practice and featuring a list of the top ten things to never say to single people (of any age!)!

10. You are too picky and stubborn.

Having standards does not make a person picky and stubborn, especially when real marriages exist that are filled with love. God does not inspire unattainable dreams.

9. Enjoy your singlehood.

I do, and my friends who are not in a romantic relationship enjoy our singlehood. We understand that there are certain freedoms we have because of our state, but telling us to enjoy singlehood is like rubbing salt on an open wound. Do you run around and tell your married friends, “Enjoy married life!!!”? Not really, so you might want to avoid saying it to single folks.

8. It will come when you aren’t looking for it.

Even when we say we aren’t looking for it, we are. If nothing else, we are hoping for it. We are waiting for it. We are hoping that God brings our spouse to us, and that desire isn’t something that just can be put on a shelf or locked in a dark room somewhere.

7. Men (or women) are intimidated by you!

Intimidated by the woman or man God has called me to be? That is their problem, not ours! I won’t speak for everyone on this one, but I for one won’t change who God has led me to be so that I appear less intimidating to a potential spouse. That sells God’s creation short. Do you really think He wants you to play small just to attract someone? Is that really an attractive quality in the first place?

6. Don’t you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?

This one is particularly annoying if it comes out within the first five minutes of any conversation. There is more to a person than their relationship status, especially when asked in a condescending way. This question also implies that single people are somehow missing out or incomplete if they aren’t in a relationship. WRONG.

5. Ain’t love grand?

Would you walk up to a homeless person and say, “Isn’t being rich just the best?” Same principle.

4. When will so-and-so (whether it is a specific person or not) realize how wonderful/amazing/talented/beautiful you are and ask you out?

Whether you are pointing out a specific individual or not, this phrase can be a sucker punch. Why not just give the person a compliment about their awesomeness and leave it at that? Why can’t a single person be awesome on their own? If someone (specific or not) isn’t realizing that the single person is awesome, that is their problem, not the single person’s!

3. When you know, you know!

If this were true then I should be married a few times over. (The proof of that is buried in the archives of this very blog.) Sometimes you can be certain that God is calling you in a particular direction and then you reach a dead end. This phrase sounds wonderful, but it isn’t always that easy!

2. You are too busy for a relationship!

My momma always said that you have time for what you make time for. Besides, when you get married and have kids (and will arguably be busier than you are now), will you be too busy for a relationship with your spouse?

1. You’re so young!

I get it. I look at the teenagers in my youth groups and can’t help but think how young they are. You can tell me and my friends how young we are until the cows come home, but it does nothing to help with the ache we feel as we wait for our spouses. As young as you think we might be, we can look around fairly quickly and find at least 10 of our friends who are our age or younger who are married and/or having children. Don’t write off the plight of the single person just because they are younger than you, or because they seem to be young.

I will say that, bar none, the coolest thing anyone has ever done with/for me in my single state is to offer to pray for my future husband for me. I’ve also had an amazing friend who has prayed out loud with me for my future husband. Prayer, and the gift of prayer, is way more powerful and comforting than any of the statements above!

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