just don't say it: distant Future.

just dont say it distant futureLet me begin by saying that I love my friends. My best friends in the world are the sisters in Christ who understand me on a level that most people passing me on the street will simply never see. However, as women, we can sometimes get a bit carried away, especially when it comes to new relationships. I was chatting with a good friend of mine a few weeks ago when we started talking about recent dates we’d been on. It didn’t take long for the conversation to turn to the future and what *could* happen with each of our dates. Thankfully we both had enough insight to stop the train before it started driving full-speed ahead down the tracks. That being said, there are a few things, for the sake of our emotional chastity, that simply shouldn’t be said:

  • Are you two going to get married?
    • If the two of you are BFFs and the relationship is serious and stable (that sounds so medical!) then go ahead and ask. Iron sharpens iron and a best friend can be a tool that God uses to help someone discern and critically think about marriage. However, if the couple has only been on a few dates, planting ideas of marriage in someone’s head may not be the wisest choice.
  • Do you think he’ll propose soon?!
    • See above.
  • How do you think he’ll propose?!
    • It doesn’t take long for this question to wander off into daydreams and crazy proposal stories. Besides, even if the guy is going to propose, shouldn’t you let him handle the details? Chances are if you dream up your perfect proposal and the guy doesn’t follow the script you’ve dreamed of, then won’t you be disappointed? Instead, focus on the here and now and, if you feel so called, pray for the gentlemen and his discernment and potential proposal planning skills.
  • Oh my gosh, I know a couple whose story is JUST LIKE yours, and they are happily married with seventeen children!!
    • The honest truth is that NO two stories are exactly alike because God is the author of them all, and He is endlessly creative. Each love story written by Him is unique just as we are each unique. While stories may be similar, they aren’t the same. When we begin to think that someone else’s story is just like ours and they got a happy ending, we begin to believe that we will get that happy ending no matter what. The danger in that is that we take our relationship for granted believing that it will all work out because we are just like so-and-so-happy-ending-couple, when in fact we are not.
  • When are you going to meet their family?!
    • Because, ya know, meeting family and hoping and praying that they like you isn’t stressful enough. This is especially true when meeting family requires travel. Chances are that these thoughts have already run through the girl’s mind, but daydreaming/stressing about meeting the family when there are no definite plans to do so only creates anxiety where there should be peace.
  • What if…?
    • I won’t speak for every girl here, but most of us are experts at the “what if” game. What if…he proposes tomorrow? What if…he tells me he actually has five children from a previous relationship? What if…he gets a job offer out of state that he can’t turn down? What if…to borrow a line from Letters to Juliet, “”What” and “If” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if?” What if we simply handled life as it came, rather than fretting about things that have yet to happen, and may, in fact, never happen?

What it all boils down to is this: Ladies, we can help each other guard our hearts by keeping each other accountable to what is going on now. What is God trying to reveal to us/teach us/enlighten us with now? Instead of getting lost in daydreams about what might happen, we can check each other on what is happening and go from there. Besides, don’t you think that the big, important conversations should involve God and the other person in the relationship anyway? 😉

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