Sometimes I think I’m witty. Maybe I’m not as witty as I think I am, but today’s post is one where I attempt to be witty, or insightful, or…something. I’m cranking out a list of the worst things to say during a break up. Whether you are the one ending it or not, these are things you just avoid saying.
In no particular order (some get an explanation, others speak for themselves):
We can still be friends (or any variation of this sentiment).
- Are you really going to be friends? Do you really want to? Are you going to put in the effort? If not, don’t bother saying it.
- We’ll still be Facebook friends!
- Gag me with a spoon. If this is the definition of friendship then we have a sad state of affairs. Being Facebook friends is not a consolation for being dumped.
- You can still follow me on Twitter!
- See above. And, really? An entire relationship is over and you want to somehow ‘maintain’ a connection through a mere 140 characters? Bring back the spoon to gag me with, please.
- I think I am supposed to be a priest/sister.
- This one comes with a big caveat: if you mean it, great! If you are using it because it sounds like a nice Catholic reason and then you go off and date someone a week later, then you should probably stay far away.
- You’re right for someone, just not me/You’re not “The One”
- Translation (more often than not): you aren’t worth the effort anymore/I don’t feel like putting in the effort to make this work.
- I’m not called to be in this relationship anymore.
- So, you’ve prayed about it? Great! How about sharing an actual reason WHY? What changed?
- I’ve wanted to do this for ___ amount of time.
- Then why on God’s green earth didn’t you? And why would you tell someone this?! Just end it and be done, and have the decency not to shred any trust the other person had for you. If this is coupled with “let’s just be friends” then, as Father Chris so often said, you should take a long walk on a short pier.
- We don’t kiss enough so we should break up.
- We can meet up in a month or so and see where we are at and what God is calling us to.
- If you are breaking up, then break up. Close the door and walk away, don’t leave the door open and a person hanging. Just end it.
- You can’t be everything I need.
- Well, duh. That is God’s job.
- God told me to break up with you.
I just need to date Jesus for a while.
- Focusing on your relationship with Christ is a good and necessary thing, but don’t use it as a cop-out.
I’m not in love with you anymore/I was never in love with you.
- Translation: I’m no longer making the choice to love you.
- Have the decency to say something.
- No offense but so-and-so does x/y/z better.
- Seriously? When breaking up you should never compare the person you are talking to with anyone else. That’s just…awful.
- I’m not ready for a commitment.
- I need someone with a smaller dream.
- Translation: I’m looking for a trophy girlfriend/wife, and you aren’t it.
- …wait, did you think we were exclusive?
- I think you are a humorless shrew.
I’m not good enough for you/you are too good for me.
- Stop selling yourself short – and don’t you think that is for the other person to decide? If you are dating then clearly they think you are good enough!
- Any break up done over Facebook, Twitter, or text message. Or e-mail (without first trying to talk in person/over the phone).
- I can’t handle how Catholic/Christian/ambitious you are.
- Well fine then, move along.
- I’m glad to know there are wonderful people out there like you…
- Where did that spoon go?
- You have all the qualities I’m looking for and we seem like a perfect match…but you just aren’t it for me.
- The last thing I want to do is hurt you…
- Translation: The last thing I want to do is keep dating you and/or I really just don’t want to see you cry.
- I just don’t think you are my soul-mate anymore.
- Spoon. Someone get me the spoon.
Just be honest and cut the crap. The truth can hurt, but it hurts a heck of a lot less than sugar-coated statements, hurtful words, and lies.
*ALL of these are things that have been used in break-up conversations that I, or one of my friends, have had. Thanks to the lovely ladies of #CathSorority for their help in compiling this list!