just don’t say it: among single Friends.
Perhaps you know Morgan from Follow and Believe because she and Jen host the fabulous “Not Alone Series”. Maybe you don’t. Either way, you should get to know her and her fabulous blog! I’m so excited she wanted to write this post for the “just don’t say it” series because goodness knows that single folks say things amongst themselves that really aren’t helpful to one another!
Alright, so here’s the thing: while there are a lot of things that non-single people say to us single folks that drive us crazy, I’ve noticed lately that there are things that we single ladies say to one another that we just shouldn’t. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it’s a start!
“Well at least you….”
Ladies, I know this is meant to make your friend feel better, but it’s just making YOU feel worse! This isn’t a my-life-is-worse-than-yours contest. And just because your friend owns their own car, lives on their own, has a job they love, etc etc….that doesn’t mean that being single or not living out the vocation she feels called to is any easier. Stop throwing a pity party and discover the good things in your life!
“You don’t want to be with him anyway!”
I’ve received this response more times than I’d care to admit, and immediately after it’s said, my thought is usually “um, but yes I do…” This is usually said to make your friend feel better about the fact that the guy she likes doesn’t like her or maybe didn’t respond how she wanted…and instead of helping her to learn how to deal with rejection, we try to convince her that she didn’t like him in the first place.
Which we all know is false.
So stop it.
“Do you think maybe he’s the one?!?”
Ok, so your friend meets a great guy, they talk all night and everything is swell….of course, you’re excited for her and internally wonder “OH EM GEE maybe this is the night where it all begins for them! AHH!”
….but then OF COURSE you have to say it. Out loud. A guess what? All this does is fuel your friends emotional unchaste-ness. OR it triggers her emotional unchaste-ness if she hadn’t already thought of that.
So please, help a sister out and just don’t. Because it isn’t helping.
“Ohh my gosh I better be in/invited to your wedding!”
Dude. Really? Is your friend even engaged? But even if she is…inappropriate. I know as single ladies we all have a wedding Pinterest board (believe me, I’m guilty too), and so we’re excited about the potential of our friend planning and having a wedding, but don’t EVER assume that you’ll be in the wedding party or even invited to the wedding! Those remarks drive me insane.
And one bonus “don’t say it to your single guy friends”!
“If we’re both single at 40, let’s just marry each other”
NO. NONONONONONO. Stop putting a timeline on your life. Also, I find that girls usually say this to guys who they secretly like. So stop it. Saying this PERIOD is not ok, but especially if you LIKE the guy, you’re basically telling him “I would only resort to being with you if I’m along and lonely and feel like I have no other option but to be with you”…and that’s not exactly going to make him want to pursue you.
Obviously, since I’ve only experienced singlehood as a woman, these “don’t say it”s were directed at the ladies, but I’m sure that there are things guys say to one another that they just shouldn’t. Maybe that’s another guest post waiting to happen?
Morgan is a full time Pro-Life missionary on college campuses in Illinois and blogs at Follow and Believe. She loves babies, coffee, Jesus, and co-hosting the Not Alone Series. She’s learning humility and trust on a daily basis, all while attempting to follow and believe!
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Agree to all of these…recently someone told me the “Well at least you..” line and proceeded to tell me about all the women she knows in abusive marriages blah blah yeah NOT HELPING!!