what it has Meant.

A year ago today I started this “little blogging adventure” (the first blog was titled “what does it Mean?”) as I often refer to it and as I’ve been reflecting on that little factoid for the last few weeks I thought about doing a blog like this one. What would it look like? What would I say to mark the anniversary of an adventure that has been more thrilling and trying than I ever thought it would? (Oh, you think it is easy to sit here and spill my guts week after week? Try again.) I thought about simply linking to my favorite blogs that I’ve written, though I don’t know that I could narrow it down – there are so many that I have so thoroughly enjoyed writing. There are also blogs that were a pain in the butt to write. There have been blogs I wrote, published and thought to myself, “what the heck was that??” only to find out that those blogs spoke to someone’s heart directly. I know, I believe in the depths of my soul that this blog really isn’t mine, it is His. It always has been and hopefully it always will be. I’m a happy scribe and I pray He continues to use me and that He continues to speak to you through me.

That being said…I’ve had a few random thoughts this week that haven’t fully amounted to a blog yet (though they could at some point) so I figured this would be the perfect place to share them.

I googled “agape” for a cool picture and I found the one at the top. So true, and this blog has taught me that.

“Suffering occurs because I perceive myself differently than God sees me” – Gene Monterastelli

Love makes us vulnerable. Some would even say love makes us weak. Love opens our hearts in a way that no other force on earth can ever open our hearts. It leaves us open, exposed, vulnerable. It causes us pain when the person (not the thing, that’s not the kind of love I’m talking about here) fails to protect us, to sheild us, to value our vulnerability. God never fails to protect us, to guard our hearts. He always stands ready to fight for us. Moreover, He cherishes our vulnerability. Cherishes it.

When I wrote Wednesday’s blog, rend your Heart I don’t think I had any clue how much I was predicting my own future. I look at the picture at the beginning of that blog and can’t help but feel that is what God is doing to my heart. (Ok, He doesn’t do that to my heart, it is happening to my heart.) I’m trying to remember my own words about that picture, about how I see hope in it, or the Holy Spirit rushing in.

If the last two days are any indication, this is going to be one of the most trying Lent’s in my life so far. Not because of what I chose to give up, but because of the way the days have gone down. Ash Wednesday marked ten years since my Papa (grandpa, not my dad) died. The personal struggles that are going on in many arenas of my life…it is going to be a trying Lent. And if the way the last two nights have ended are any indiction, He’s going to use it all. He’s going to use it to teach me, to show me, to speak to my heart (Hosea 2:16), to shower me with His love. Isn’t that what Lent should be about anyway?

Here’s to the next year of blogs, may they all point to His glory, to His unending, unconditional love. May we all be reminded that we are, in fact, worthy of Agape.

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