stubborn Hearted.

My father is/was a red-head (and if you are reading this and you actually know my father, don’t tell him I said that, even though it is quite true). I hear that is what makes him so stubborn. I may not be a red-head (not naturally, I was once upon a time, but that was dyed and totally not the point) but I sure inherited that stubborn trait.

My mother is not a red-head, so I’m not quite sure where her stubbornness comes from, but it is there nonetheless. I come from stubborn parents. I have been known to be ridiculously stubborn. I will try and try to make things work. I try and make things work in relationships, in friendships, in family relationships, and in all sorts of things. You might call it determination because I’m determined to find a way to make things work. But in all reality it is me being stubborn and feeling the need to be in control.

On Monday I was ridiculously stubborn about something. I wanted, quite desperately, something to work out in my favor. All the stars seemed to be lining up and everything was falling into place. Then at all once the stars seemed to come crashing down. First, it was a steady fall, just a single star. Then another. Then another. Then the sky seemed to go dark. I got stubborn and tried to throw the stars back up in the air, forcing them to stick to the sky.

In the midst of the stars falling from the sky, I knew that God was trying to show me something. We often want things to work out in our favor. I sometimes wonder why God puts things in our path. Does He put obstacles in our way as a test of our strength, so that we realize that we have the strength to overcome them? Or does He put obstacles in our path so that we surrender to Him? Why can’t it be both?

As I sat there Monday, frustrated that the stars I threw into the sky kept falling back down, I was reminded to pray. I took a deep breath, said a prayer, and tried one last time to throw just one star into the night’s sky. In the time I said a prayer, I asked God to either help me get that star to stick in the sky, or to give me the grace to let go and see His light in the starless sky. I stepped back, took a deep breath, and flung one last star into the sky. And do you want to know what happened? It stuck.

Why did God put those obstacles in my path? Why did all the stars, that at once seemed so perfectly aligned, fall from the sky? So that I could surrender to Him, and yet realize that with His strength, we have the power to fling that star up and make it stick. That isn’t to say it will always work out like that. Sometimes in life we will take a step back, pray, and still find that the sky is void of stars. But no matter how starless the sky is, His light remains there, brighter than any star.

What I’m Listening To:
“In Your Hands” by Jason Mraz
“Catholic Love Song” by David Casper
“Restless” by Audrey Assad
“93 Million Miles” by Jason Mraz

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