shaming Pregnancy.

just dont say it pregnancy{Consider this a revised edition of “just don’t say it: Pregnancy” written by yours truly – at least for the early stages of pregnancy!}

I knew that less than charitable comments about pregnancy were possible. The vast majority of my friends have children, so I can’t say I’m totally surprised by some of things that people have said to me since we announced that we are pregnant and yet…I am. So now I give you the top ways to shame a pregnancy (even the very first one!) and/or ensure that next time around you won’t be told until, say, after the baby is born. (A few of these can be said in a charitable way, but often times the tone implies something less charitable.)

I knew you just couldn’t hold off!

What? Are you implying that I and/or my husband lack self-control? The fact of the matter is that we love each other and wanted to get pregnant. That in no way, shape or form means that we lack(ed) self-control.

I should have bet on how long you’d wait, I knew it wouldn’t be long!

Fertility isn’t just small talk. The wounds and pains of not being able to conceive run deep. Just because we have conceived doesn’t mean you should bet on life or what our plans for growing our family are.

I thought you were showing! (And/or any variation on: you look pudgy/heavier/etc.)

Hi. What? I had people tell me this before we even told people we were pregnant. You know, when the baby was smaller than a pea. I know I’m slender, but I wasn’t showing. At all. I get that you are probably excited for a baby bump (as am I!), but commenting or implying that I am getting larger isn’t that lovely to hear. (p.s. I LOVE to hear that I’m glowing or radiant – that is about ten million times better than telling me I look pudgy/weightier/bigger/etc.)

Well that didn’t take you two long!

Who says we wanted to wait? What is wrong with not waiting? The reality is that the decision of when to get pregnant involves three people: me, my husband and God. Your opinions on our timetables aren’t really necessary, thankyouverymuch.

You know what causes that, right?

First off, yes. I got married and I love my husband, okay? Okay. Second off, causes it? Pregnancy is not a disease that needs a cause or a cure. It is a beautiful reality of being a co-creator with God. Love causes that, end of story.

That was a stupid/lame/inappropriate/dumb way to announce.

Well, gee, I’m sorry I didn’t consult your creative genius when deciding how to announce a pregnancy that isn’t yours. Oh, wait…no, I’m not.

There will come a day when you’ll wish you never got pregnant. There will be days you wish you never had kids.

This one didn’t make me angry as much as it made me sad. There may come a day (or month or trimester) when pregnancy will be rough. Rough as it may be, I can’t imagine saying – publicly or privately – that I wish I wasn’t pregnant. There are days that motherhood will be trying and exhausting, of that I have no doubt. But will that mean that I’ll wish my kids didn’t exist? I sure as heck hope not. And if, at any point, that day (or days or months or years) come, I hope God reminds me that these kids of mine are supposed to getting me to heaven, just as much, if not more than I am supposed to be getting them to heaven.

So I assume this was planned?

I assume this is none of your business. No matter whether or not we wanted to get pregnant (we did), God planned this, as He does all things, so next time you want to ask this, ask Him.

But seriously, y’all. What is up with people shaming pregnancy or putting a pregnant woman down? Yes, I love my husband. No, it didn’t take us long to conceive. No, this baby wasn’t ‘unplanned’, nor is he/she a mistake. We love this child so much already and implying anything other than that makes the Mama and Papa Bear come out in us. Share in the joy or walk away, snide comments aren’t welcome here.

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