not alone: the pursuit of Men.

not alone series

Prompt of the week: Is it possible for a woman to pursue a man?

I suggested this topic. I have no one to blame but myself for it…and yet as I sit down to write this post I know that I tend to “ride the fence” on this topic.

Short answer: Yes. No. Both.

Long answer:

I should probably begin by saying that I tend to be old fashioned or traditional or whatever you’d like to call it when it comes to dating and initiating relationships. Do I pursue men, as in, go after them and ask them on dates? Heck to the no. However, that doesn’t mean that I simply sit around twirling my hair until Mr. Wonderful comes along. When there is a guy that I’m interested in I’ll drop hints and flirt a little more than normal (because people think that outgoing = flirting…not true). There’s a line there between flirting and throwing myself at a guy, a line I’m careful not to cross. That line, I can admit, is a little different for everyone. I’m not opposed to inviting the gent’ I’m digging to a group outing if I think he’d enjoy it, but I won’t beg him to come just because I’ll be there. See the line?

not alone the pursuit of menI also think that pursuing men takes on a different nature/tone/meaning when you are in a relationship with someone. If I’m dating someone I think of getting to know them and showing them affection as pursuit. I want the man I’m with to know that I care for him and am still interested in him. Practically that can mean all kinds of things: cards in the mail, holding their hand in a crowded room, an extra squeeze on a hug goodnight, etc. I think that once a relationship has begun the couple pursue each other as they continue to get to know each other and discern their relationship.

Can a woman pursue a man? Sure.* But for me personally, that ain’t my cup of tea. For a number of reasons, I’m the type of girl that much prefers to be pursued. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to make a perfectly respectable man jump through a million hoops just to ask me on a date, but I genuinely want to know he is interested in me for more than what he sees when he looks at me. Once a relationship has begun I think it is important for that pursuit to continue and for each person to be able to show each other love and affection.

What do you think? Can a woman pursue a man? Should a woman pursue a man?

Thanks to Jen and Morgan for hosting!

*Another aspect to take into consideration is whether the gent’ in question wants to be pursued. A fair number of men I know would actually be turned off by a woman asking them out rather than letting him pursue her.

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