I know, I know. It has been a while since I joined up with the NAS ladies, and this would seem a particularly odd topic to join in on, right? What business does one of those recently engaged ladies have writing a blog about dealing with engagements? Well, plenty.
As of today I’ve been engaged for two months, and here’s what I’ve discovered: that sting of another friend getting engaged doesn’t change. I’ve seen plenty of friends get engaged since I did, and there’s still something inside that stings. It may sting slightly less now that I’m engaged, but the sting is still present.
I can also echo the thoughts of the other NAS ladies: it matters how close I am to those people who are getting engaged. Those ladies/gents that I’m closer to, the ones whose struggles I know, and the ones who have been there for me, it is easier to be happy for them off the bat. The ones who are mere acquaintances, who splash ten zillion pictures of their engagement across every social media feed known to man, well, it is harder to be genuinely happy for them.
If I’m being really honest, I think this ‘sting’ we so often talk about, at least for me, comes from a place of judging others in my heart. The sting comes from a place of jealousy or envy, which then leads me to tearing apart their happiness to make myself feel better, and therefore more in control of my own fate. I look at someone’s pictures and am so quick to think, “That person was SUCH a jerk in high school, how did they get engaged before me?!” or, perhaps worse, “Let’s see how long that marriage will last…” Hold on a second while I go find the nearest confessional…
Moving past these judgmental thoughts takes charity, and plenty of prayer. Even as I plan my own wedding, I still find myself struggling with other people’s engagements. What if their wedding is bigger, better, or more fun than mine? What if we pick the same date and all of our mutual friends don’t come to mine? The cycle never stops until we get off the not-so-merry-go-round.
Charity
Maybe that person I don’t know as well had a change of heart since high school. Maybe life, love, and adulthood have changed them, allowing them to be a nicer, kinder, holier person. If I don’t know, I have to give them the benefit of the doubt, close the ten zillion pictures of them, and move on. {Otherwise I’ll just keep judging and thinking about what a horrible person they were/are/might become, etc., etc., etc.}
Prayer
Pray for your enemies. Pray for your neighbors. Pray for the people that annoy you. Pray for the people who post ten zillion engagement pictures, effectively blowing up every feed you have. Pray for their engagement and their marriage prep. Pray for their hearts to be opened to God’s plan for marriage and family life as they prepare for marriage. Pray for them to be good husbands/fathers and wives/mothers in the coming weeks, months, and years. Say a prayer to St. Agnes, the patron saint of engaged couples, and once again, move on. If you are struggling to move on, think of at least one thing you love about your life right now and focus on that. Then find another thing. Repeat until there is a smile on your face and peace in your heart.
How do you deal with yet another engagement?