above all Else.

I missed the Eucharist. For nearly a week straight I just couldn’t go.

That’s not saying that I couldn’t go to Mass. I went to Mass. But my heart, my spirit, my soul wasn’t in a state to receive. Mortal sin? Maybe, but definitely straight up not in a graced enough place to be ready to receive Him. My husband has taught me to err on the side of caution when it comes to the state of my soul and receiving communion.

So I went to Mass last weekend. I walked up to receive, baby in tow, and, because of said baby, couldn’t even cross my arms on my chest. I had to tell the deacon no and shake my head with tear-filled eyes when he tried to give me communion. The blessing was nice, but oh, how I longed to just sob as I headed back to my pew. And I do mean full on, no holds barred sob. Right there. In the middle of church.  Continue reading

the broken Blogger.

There once was a blogger who loved to write

She blogged all day, she blogged all night

She shared her joy, she shared her sorrow

She had little worry about tomorrow

But she fell in love and got married

And her blogging became harried

Her stories were no longer her’s alone

The strain of being a wife she could not have known

So her blog grew quieter with each passing week,

Her writing prospects seemed so bleak

Until one day she finally said,

“Enough’s enough, or this blog will be dead.” Continue reading

more than a Picture.

I’m not changing my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or other social media profile pictures. There’s a thing going around in light of the Supreme Court decision last week to allow gay marriage in all states that people change their pictures to their traditional marriage. I’m not hoping on the bandwagon.

First off, what about the single folks out there who stand for traditional marriage? How are they to participate? “Vaticanize” their profile pictures? It is silly, really. If you don’t know that I am Catholic, and therefore pro-traditional marriage, then changing my picture is a sad attempt to get my beliefs out there. What I believe is more than my profile picture. The teachings of the Catholic Church and the importance – dare I say necessity – of traditional marriage must go beyond a mere picture and into our hearts, words, and actions. Continue reading

it molds Me.

Eucharist black and whiteI walked into Mass just as the priest was finishing the opening prayer. Great, I thought to myself, that priest is saying Mass. Well, at least Mass is still Mass even if the priest gets on my nerves.

Then it was time for the homily. This particular priest tends to get on my nerves as he preaches, and not in a holy-challenge-me-to-be-better kind of way, but in a way that drives me a bit batty. As I sat there, readying myself for another homily that I was sure would make me angry, I seriously considered pulling out my cell phone. I was in the back of the church – who would see me? Yes, you read that right: I literally considered pulling out my cell phone in the middle of Mass – not to read the readings or read a reflection on the readings, but just so that I could tune out of the homily. Then it hit me: I need Mass in my life. Continue reading

worth the Wait.

bissisterhood

{Linking up with Blessed is She}

I’ll be honest: I’m not a particularly patient person by nature. I’ve seen – and am extremely grateful for – a surge in patience lately when it comes to one sweet thing: my daughter. She’s making me more patient, and for that I’m grateful.

When it comes to waiting, though, I’m not good. I’m a complainer, a whiner, and just about anything but joyful. Despite my being not-so-great at waiting, God has blessed me with some pretty incredible things – things I had to wait for. Continue reading

my Heart.

{Linking up with Blessed Is She}

reorient your heartRemember back when I said that my word for the year was authenticCan I be that, for just a blogging minute? My heart is all over the place.

My heart feels pulled in so many directions: marriage, motherhood, work, ministry, blogging, writing…it is all over the place. If I’m being really honest, I can’t remember a time in my life that I’ve felt more divided than I do now. I want it all but I’m realizing that something has to give. Continue reading

body Image.

bissisterhood

{Linking up with Blessed Is She}

“We’ve decided that we hate you.”

“Did you come back to work just to show off how quickly you could fit back into your jeans?”

These are just a few of the things I’ve heard in recent weeks. This body image thing is a nasty phenomenon that robs women of their peace. It might seem weird for the usually tall and slender girl to sit here and write this, but God made us how He made us. No matter what we look like we are still made in His image. I’ll say that again: no matter what you look like, you are still a reflection of His boundless beauty. Continue reading