on Family.


Linking up, once again, with Blessed Is She and the weekly #BISsisterhood posts. This week’s theme: family.

Family, it seems, is an ever-changing concept in my world as of late. While it is always changing, it is also growing. In an obvious way, it grew when I got married. Before I had no one I could call “sister” in that sense, and now I have two. I’ve got cousins and family in farther reaches of the world than I ever did before. New relatives to meet, know, love, and hopefully someday visit (that’d be you, Lebanon!). My family grew to include my husband’s family, but my family also shrank, in a way. Continue reading

rend your Heart {again}.

Again? Yes, again. Three years ago (liturgical cycles!) the phrase that struck me on Ash Wednesday was “rend your heart” from the prophet Joel. Here we are, three years later, and the same phrase is grabbing my heart, though in an entirely different way.

I sat in Ash Wednesday Mass, the Mass in which nearly every family with small children attended. I was surrounded by infants, toddlers and little ones. As I listened to the readings, rubbing my pregnant belly all the while, my heart was moved by the simple phrase “rend your heart.” Certainly motherhood is going to rend my heart. I listened to the readings and watched these mothers and fathers wrangle their kids and teach them about what was happening and not to smudge the ashes on our foreheads. It was beautiful to see them sacrifice for their children, to, in effect, rend their hearts. Continue reading

the meaning of Sacrifice.

{I’m linking up for the next few weeks with Blessed Is She – which is fabulous, I can write stuff in advance! This week’s prompt is simply “sacrifice”…or so it was at some point. Apparently this week’s prompt changed to “marriage” and “sacrifice” is now on March 5, so I’ll just flip flop these…}

I’ve been thinking a fair amount about sacrifice lately, especially with Monkey’s due date mere weeks (less then 5!) away. No doubt I’ll sacrifice for her, things like sleep, showers, my hair getting done, etc., but that’s only a type of sacrifice.

In a lot of ways my own personal definition of sacrifice changes. At certain points in my life sacrifice has looked more like giving up something, i.e. soda, chocolate, etc. At other points, sacrifice has been more about my heart, my desire, my plans being laid at the foot of the cross for the sake of His heart, His desires, His plans. This year, right now in the beginning of this Lenten season, sacrifice is a beautiful and frustrating mix of both of those things. Continue reading

my husband isn’t Trained.

My husband isn’t trained to pause his video game and come downstairs to greet me when I get home after a long day.

My husband isn’t trained to take out the trash.

My husband isn’t trained to put his dishes in the dishwasher and set it to run.

My husband isn’t trained to pray with me or pray for me.

My husband isn’t trained to show up on time, do the laundry, make his lunch, or call me on his way home from work.

My husband simply isn’t trained. Continue reading

giving up or Gaining?

Lent begins in a week. When you work at a church you become keenly aware of upcoming liturgical seasons. While my work calendar runs on a school year since the focus of my job is with kids, it also runs on a church year. More often than not, at least on the work front, I’m planning for Lent while it is still Advent. But when it comes to my personal life, I’m not always so ‘on the ball’ about planning for upcoming seasons.

So here we are, Lent a mere week away, and I’m pondering what I’ll change for Lent. On the one hand, I’m praying that I’ll have a newborn by Easter, so that certainly changes the way I approach Lent. Last year when Lent came, I had about 80 days left until my wedding, so I knew that once it got to be Easter, I only had another 40 days until the wedding. This year as Lent approaches, I realize just how close the due date is. (41 days from today for those of you who are counting.) Whether Monkey arrives by Easter or not, I don’t want to miss out on Lent because I’m impatiently waiting for her to arrive. Continue reading

actually Tired.

Pet peeve? More and more people ask me how I’m feeling. Even in passing people no longer ask me, “How are you?” but always, “How are you feeling?” There’s a struggle here to answer authentically. In passing, there’s not really a chance to explain how I actually feel, but honestly?

I’m tired.

I’m counting down the days to the due date because, yes, I’m excited to meet my daughter, but I’m just tired of being pregnant.

I’m cranky.

I miss sleeping through the night.

I wish people would stop rubbing me. Or acting like I can’t do anything for myself. Continue reading

setting goals {january check-in Edition}.

To recap, my goals for January were:

-Get over my preconceived notions about pregnancy blogging and blog about my pregnancy, my thoughts – the good, the bad, and the ugly.

-Edit the typos in my book and get the cover changed to say Amanda Sloan instead of Amanda Mortus. I’d love to say I’m going to overhaul the book – which I’ve been dreaming of – but I’m trying to be realistic

End of the month actual completion rate: Continue reading