There is this post that I’ve been drafting in my head for quite some time. It is, in fact, the very post that you are reading. This post, you see, is one I thought I’d never write. But even beyond me writing it, I doubted that God would ever write this story line back into my life. No matter how many times I’ve written this post in my head, actually sitting down to write it is another notion entirely.
For well over a year now I’ve been silent on where exactly my heart has been. Sure I’ve gone back and forth and written about the single life, relationships, love, and marriage, but when it comes to flat out admitting it on the blog, I’ve shied away from the truth every single time. Why? Because I’d done that before and I swore that the next time (if ever) love found its way back into my life, I’d keep it out of the blog. I’d keep it out of the blog for a thousand reasons that I knew and believed in the depth of my being.
Perhaps on some level I feared that if I ever admitted to a relationship on the blog again, it would all blow up in my face. I was, if I am being honest, afraid to truly be happy and to share that happiness. Believe me, even as I write that I’m laughing at how ridiculous it all is. Afraid to be happy? Who does that? Well, we all do. We are afraid to give ourselves permission to truly be happy. I somehow thought that if I played small, if I downplayed the joy in my heart, I’d be…safe? Holy? Humble? I honestly don’t know. I know that there is so much sadness and misery in the world and I foolishly believed that if I were to be gloriously happy in the midst of all of that, then I would be viewed as a horrible person. But here’s the truth:
“I found it incredibly annoying…I mean, you have to be your own person, right?
It made zero sense to me…until my relationship ended.
We only dated for a couple of months (long enough for me to realize that we weren’t “meant to be”) but we’d been really close friends before dating and so breaking up took a toll on my life as a whole. I felt like I’d not only lost a person who cared about me and wanted to be with me, but also my best friend. It was heart-wrenching.” – Morgan @ follow and believe
There was something in those words Morgan wrote that stopped me dead in my tracks. Can’t we all relate? I know (and you know, if you’ve been reading this blog long enough) that when we find ourselves in a relationship that we think is “The One” it is easy to start building a life with that person. Heck, isn’t that what the goal of any relationship is: to journey towards marriage, and ultimately heaven, together? No wonder that heart-wrenching, side-splitting pain sets in when that relationship ends. It feels like a death, and in many ways it is. Your relationship is changing, you’ve lost a best friend, a life you’d probably dreamed of together, and all the plans you’d made and hoped for along the way. Continue reading
“Beyond” is a common word in my life. Beyond the pain. Beyond the joy. Beyond the here and now. Remembering that there is more to life than what meets the eye encourages us not to get too bogged down with the less-than-joyous things about this life. But when it comes to getting bogged down, fear is among the top culprits. Fear of the unknown. Fear of heartbreak. Fear of disappointment. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear of damnation. Fear of more things than words can articulate. In a certain sense our response to fear can often be to simply go beyond it. We shove fear away because fear often comes from a lack of trust. Lest it appear that we don’t trust God, we bury the fear and cling to Him, but is that the best response?
Oh sure, it seems like the “good Christian” response to move beyond the fear, but is that really what God is calling us to? Or, perhaps, is the fear there for a reason? Ultimately I think fear leads to two reactions in us: drawing closer to God or running further from Him. The path to those two reactions varies. When we bury the fear, when we run to Him at the first sight of fear, we end up closer to Him, but only because fear leads us there. That isn’t a bad thing, but it could be better. Continue reading
It is time again for my annual (3rd annual?!) Thanksgiving blog. Last year I wrote about how I was thankful for blogging, singlehood, sisterhood, and prayer. It is interesting to look back and think that those were the things that I was most grateful for a year ago. Not that I’m not grateful for those things now, but a year changes how I look at things. Without further ado, this year’s top five:
Love. It comes in many forms, but no matter how it presents itself, I’m grateful for it. I’m grateful for the love of God above all, for His mercy and faithfulness to me and all of His children. I’m grateful for the love of my parents and family, for the ways that they support and encourage me. I’m grateful for the love of friends and the fellowship I find with so many wonderful people in my life. I’m grateful that love, as Saint Paul puts it, is the bond of perfection, that it covers sins and heals our hearts. Continue reading
Let’s face it: we all have wounds, and some are deeper than others. On the show Bones we see a forensic anthropologist who sees and studies wounds in our very bones. Temperance Brennan studies bones (hence the name of the show) and through her studies she sees the wounds that we bear. In fact, she identifies people by their wounds. When a person dies or is murdered and is unidentified, she studies their bones. By looking closely at the bones, Dr. Brennan learns about the wounds that each person has had. These wounds may have healed on the surface, the skin may show no signs of the wound, but the bones underneath tell another story.
Isn’t this how it is in relationships too? Continue reading
Sometimes we have to check ourselves before we wreck ourselves. I know. Gasp. Who would have thought that in and of ourselves we don’t have everything all figured out?
Lately there seems to be an increase in people in all circles saying that they have a right to feel however they do, and that because they have that right everyone else should just leave them be. Certainly we have the right to feel however we feel about any given situation or set of circumstances but that right does not make those feelings right.
Confused? Allow me to give you an example. Single girls who deeply desire marriage have a right to feel frustrated that their spouse has not yet come along. At times, single girls even have a right to feel angry about being yet unwed. However, just because they have the right to feel that way, that doesn’t make their feelings right. Continue reading
Perhaps you know Morgan from Follow and Believe because she and Jen host the fabulous “Not Alone Series”. Maybe you don’t. Either way, you should get to know her and her fabulous blog! I’m so excited she wanted to write this post for the “just don’t say it” series because goodness knows that single folks say things amongst themselves that really aren’t helpful to one another!
Alright, so here’s the thing: while there are a lot of things that non-single people say to us single folks that drive us crazy, I’ve noticed lately that there are things that we single ladies say to one another that we just shouldn’t. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but it’s a start!
“Well at least you….”
Ladies, I know this is meant to make your friend feel better, but it’s just making YOU feel worse! This isn’t a my-life-is-worse-than-yours contest. And just because your friend owns their own car, lives on their own, has a job they love, etc etc….that doesn’t mean that being single or not living out the vocation she feels called to is any easier. Stop throwing a pity party and discover the good things in your life! Continue reading