a simple Sign.

I’m all about signs. There was a time in my life when I thought just about anything and everything was a sign from God, pointing me in one direction or another. Lately, however, I’ve been a bit more confused.

Is that really a sign, God?

What about that thing over there, was that one of Your promptings?

I get so caught up in the discernment and the depth of everything that I forget to just take a step back. Instead of making things as simple as they could be (and for all intents and purposes, should be), I spend my days digging through theology and scripture discourses trying to figure out what it is that God is trying to tell me.  Continue reading

thoughts and Expectations {motherhood}.

Last week I started this mini-series by looking at my hopes/thoughts/expectations for marriage and how those compared with the reality. This week I’ll tackle the same comparison for motherhood.

Thoughts. Hopes. Expectations.

My thoughts/hopes/expectations for marriage were, to put it nicely, starry-eyed. As starry-eyed as they were, my hopes and expectations of motherhood were pretty gosh darn bleak, if I’m being honest.  Continue reading

thoughts and Expectations {marriage}.

Recently a blog reader e-mailed me with a truly fabulous idea for a post: what were my expectations/thoughts/hopes for marriage and motherhood when I was single and how does the reality compare to what I thought when I was single? The more I’ve thought about it and tried to plot out such a post, the more I realized it would simply have to be two separate posts. Today I’ll tackle my thoughts/hopes/expectations for wife-hood and how they compare to reality, and next week I’ll discuss the same of motherhood.

Thoughts. Hopes. Expectations.

I wanted to marry someone who would challenge me and help me to grow in holiness. I thought that would look like an occasional difficult conversation, but that I’d learn quickly and grow quickly. I thought marriage would be like coming home every day and getting to hang out with your best friend (with the, uh, added perks of married life ;-) ). I thought marriage would be this great balance of work and fun – paying the bills, earning a living, but also relaxing and unwinding with the one you love. Chores would be divided and shared among spouses (which, in my mind, also meant that I’d never dust again because I HATE DUSTING). Continue reading

we’re all just Trying.

In most natural family planning (NFP) circles, there are a few acronyms that get thrown around a lot: TTA. TTC. TTW. They get thrown around so much that we often forget what they actually stand for, or at least I do.

When I see them, I know that the A = no babies. C = babies are the goal. W = whatever happens, happens. I ignore the T’s because they are the same throughout. Lately, as my husband and I have been talking about our family size and praying about when to add to our family, I’ve been struck by the beauty of those little T’s – the thing we all have in common. Continue reading

above all Else.

I missed the Eucharist. For nearly a week straight I just couldn’t go.

That’s not saying that I couldn’t go to Mass. I went to Mass. But my heart, my spirit, my soul wasn’t in a state to receive. Mortal sin? Maybe, but definitely straight up not in a graced enough place to be ready to receive Him. My husband has taught me to err on the side of caution when it comes to the state of my soul and receiving communion.

So I went to Mass last weekend. I walked up to receive, baby in tow, and, because of said baby, couldn’t even cross my arms on my chest. I had to tell the deacon no and shake my head with tear-filled eyes when he tried to give me communion. The blessing was nice, but oh, how I longed to just sob as I headed back to my pew. And I do mean full on, no holds barred sob. Right there. In the middle of church.  Continue reading

the broken Blogger.

There once was a blogger who loved to write

She blogged all day, she blogged all night

She shared her joy, she shared her sorrow

She had little worry about tomorrow

But she fell in love and got married

And her blogging became harried

Her stories were no longer her’s alone

The strain of being a wife she could not have known

So her blog grew quieter with each passing week,

Her writing prospects seemed so bleak

Until one day she finally said,

“Enough’s enough, or this blog will be dead.” Continue reading