just don't say it: male readers to female Bloggers.

There seems to be an influx of gentlemen reading the blog lately, and while I welcome that, some of their comments and e-mails (both here and on other sites I write for) are…frustrating. As with most posts in the “Just Don’t Say It” series, I fully believe they mean well, but the comments just don’t come across that way. Most of the comments and e-mails I’m referring to seem to reference my posts and thoughts on the single/not-yet-married life. As I’ve said before, I never reveal on the blog itself what my actual marital status is, except to say that I’m not married yet. Does the average reader know how many dates I’ve been on lately and whether they were good or bad? Nope, and I prefer it that way, for any number of reasons. That being said, said e-mails and comments come across oddly, so I thought I’d take a post to address some of the most common thoughts:

• You should go on a vocation retreat. Go visit some nuns.
  
  • Great, thanks. For the record, I have. It is one thing for my best friend and people who know me beyond the blog to suggest this, it is a completely different thing when a perfect stranger tells me what to do. The default setting for people should not be to “go visit some nuns” once a single person reaches a certain age. Religious life should not be a fall back or escape plan if all else fails.
• I really feel for you…I’ve been married for 10+ years.
  • Awesome, I totally appreciate that. While you may have experienced something similar to my struggle, I think that the struggle in the not-yet-married life is different for guys than it is for girls (and I know lots of people who will back me up on that). Furthermore, if you are more than, say, two or three years removed from single life then I’m not 100% sure you can say that you really feel my struggle.
• In my experience, you have to stop worrying about when Mr. Right will come along. Just stop worrying and then he’ll plop into your life!
  • Imagine me rolling my eyes…I’ve addressed that one here (see number 8).
• I think that you are incredible/strong/beautiful/sexy/attractive/hot/the bees knees/etc.
  • Again, great, thanks. I’m sure you mean well, but from men/guys/boys/people I don’t know, these types of statements can come across as really creepy – whether you are married or not, but especially if you are married. There is a difference between a compliment (suggestion: stick to complimenting the writing/thoughts/post of the author) and a come on…find that happy place.
• You probably won’t respond anyway…
  • I actually enjoy responding to readers, be it in the comment box, or in e-mails. What I don’t respond to are comments/e-mails that come across as creepy, people who think they know my whole life because they read my blog (any or all of the posts), or who feel they somehow have the right to tell me how to run my life.
• Such-and-such worked for me…
  • Just because it worked for you doesn’t mean it will work for me. Our God is a creative God and no two stories are the same. While I enjoy hearing other people’s stories, that doesn’t mean that my story will be like theirs at all!
• Go get this book. You need it. It will make you a better woman!
  • Great, thanks, let me run right out and buy up all the copies of it to give to all of my single friends. (Is that statement dripping with just a hint of sarcasm?) Pardon me, but I’m not too keen on a guy that I don’t know telling me what I need to do/read/be in order to be a better women. This includes, but is not limited to: sending me recipes I should learn that all men will love, sending me porn sites and telling me to learn their tricks, sending me clothing websites with clothes that will supposedly attract the right man, telling me to read a book about how Ephesians 5 really is about how women are the property of men. I think for myself, thank you very much.
• Worry about you, stop worrying about your future husband. Actually, just stop praying for him too, he’s probably not even praying for you anyway.
  • Great, thanks. (I mean that sarcastically. Really, really sarcastically.) Exactly who are you to tell me who/what I should and shouldn’t be praying for? I’m not worrying about him, because I know that God is taking care of him, but I refuse to stop praying for him, regardless of whether or not he is praying for me. I’m praying for him. I’m loving on him. I’m writing to him…and that won’t stop just because a stranger tells me it’s probably not worth my time to do all these things.

As always, I welcome your comments and your e-mails. What isn’t welcome (and what won’t receive a response) are those that somehow think they’ve earned or been given the right to tell me how to run my life, what I need to do to win/attract/woo a spouse, or that simply think that God has revealed to them my vocation in life. Prayers, encouragement, and words of wisdom, however, are always accepted!