just don’t say it: Acne.
Hooray, another guest post for the “just don’t say it” series! Despite what Jen says, I’m open to just about anything for this series, so if you’ve got an idea or a post you want to write, let me know (comment or contact me)! Without further ado, the honest and insightful Jen of Jumping in Puddles is Fun…
Ok, listen. I know this isn’t something that Amanda usually has for this series, but let me tell you: people say some RIDICULOUS things to people who struggle with acne.
And anyone who has it… knows what I am talking about. Let me also be clear, I am not talking about the few breakouts that happen around your period or the random blemish in the middle of your forehead. The acne I struggle with, and am referring to here, is an every day battle. These blemishes are red and inflamed and hurt and just seem like they will never, ever go away. It could be on your face, neck, or back. You have tried everything under the sun (or Son??) and nothing seems to work.
I feel your pain. I struggle with feeling pretty. Or the worry that there is something wrong with me when at 28 I am still dealing with this. I get the looks. I hear the comments from really ignorant (and mostly well-intentioned) people.
You are not alone. It’s time we stood together! It’s time to make it known that acne might not go away after your teenage years! It SUCKS! But, it’s not the end of the world. We are beautiful. We are awesome. God created us just the way we are… pimply and all. He thinks we are the most beautiful women in the whole world. And that’s the most important thing.
With that being said, I now give you things that you shouldn’t EVER say/do to people who have acne (unless you are family or really close friends… maybe.):
- “Maybe you should see a dermatologist!” Ohhhhh…. obviously. Man! Why hadn’t I thought of that one? No, I am 28 and have never, ever seen one of those. I mean, COME ON! Please, people. It’s just rude. Plus, maybe that person doesn’t have insurance or money to see a dermo. They are expensive. Just don’t say anything!
- “You should try [insert cleanser, product, ointment, etc.]. It’s a miracle worker! I had bad acne, too, and now my face is amazing!” Oh… I should try that, huh??? How do you know I haven’t TRIED IT ALREADY???? Just because that works for you, doesn’t mean it worked or will work for me! We struggle with acne for various reasons (hormones, excess oil, mild allergy to foods, etc.) and therefore the treatments will vary. Please don’t suggest something to me unless you are close to me and know for a fact that I haven’t tried it. Mmmkay? Thanks.
- When explaining a new treatment method to someone and they say, “Oh, maybe I should try that for the two pimples on my chin!” Shut up. That’s what I want to say to you. What you are dealing with and what I am dealing are NOT the same. Plus, if at the time we are talking about it and my acne hasn’t improved, you saying something like that really comes across as mocking. And it’s rude.
- Um, LOOK at us! Listen, I know that our acne can be distracting… I get it. We know it. Some of us already struggle with confidence (or for people to take us seriously) and to hold conversations with people who don’t even look at us??? Yea, that will realllllly help with that there confidence. Thankyouverymuch. We are not deformed. We are not unclean. And you can’t catch it from us. So, show us a little decency and look at us.
- Please teach/remind the children in your life that they really shouldn’t make comments about the way people look. We don’t encourage kids to say things to people who are missing a limb, why would it be acceptable for them to say things about another person’s face?? It wouldn’t. I know that when kids are little they have no filter and are still learning social etiquette, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. If the kids notice our face, then everyone else sure as heck does, too!
Well, there you have it. It’s just common sense, folks! Please, think before you speak. What you think is helpful can easily be taken as insensitive and rude. So, just do us all acne prone people a favor…don’t say anything at all!! 🙂
What have I missed?? What other things shouldn’t people say to us??
*not every single thing above happened to me… this is a compilation of a few people’s experiences!
Jen is a school nurse in southwest Florida, who blogs at Jumping in Puddles is Fun. Southwest Florida transplant. Catholic. School Nurse. Likes to eat. Blogs about… everything. Co-host of the Not Alone Series. Trying to follow God’s will. She is just jumping in the puddles of life and seeing where the ripples go!
12 Comments
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Oh my gosh, I loved this article so much! I feel like I’ve heard every single one of those comments, “Have you tried” such and such product made me laugh because I literally feel like I’ve tried every product in the acne aisle, grrr!
It is all fixed now…not sure what happened there!
Hey everyone I just wanted to let you know that the 3rd bullet should read: When explaining a new treatment method to someone and they say, “oh, maybe I should try that for my 2 pimples on my chin.”
Not sure what happened! 🙂 but, wanted to let you know that I actually didn’t say the same thing twice! Haha
No worries, I understand being the minority on this site 😛
I’ll have to remember that next time it happens…
Thanks for reading! And you are right… guys deal with this acne thing, too. I didn’t mean to shut y’all out! I am just used to writing for a woman audience. 🙂
I knowwwww!!! It IS one of the harder ones. BUT, at some point those kids have to know what’s appropriate or not, ya know? I try to explain to them that it’s not nice to talk about a person’s face without getting overly emotional, and matter of fact. A few that I have done this on kind of just move along! ha It’s pretty funny. 🙂
Thanks Jen! Even as a guy this can be hard stuff to deal with. You hit it dead on with the kids comment. The innocence of their comment often ends up making it that much more brutal. And you can’t get mad at them or you try not to show too much emotion or you might hurt their fragile feelings or confuse them… just tough!
No offense at all! This series is quite open to anything and everything!!!
(Though I find it a bit ironic that the day I post it is the day I start breaking out like it is my job!) 🙂
Thanks for writing it!
YES! WHY????? Why must people say anything at all?!?! Ugh, the “what’s wrong with your face” just kills me. Kiiiiiillllls me. Man, oh man.
There are a lot of us out there, indeed! Thanks for sharing! 🙂
Thank you, Amanda for posting this for me! 🙂 It was kind of fun to write! 🙂
I hope I didn’t offend you about my first line there about what you usually write about. Eek, I’m sorry!
Thank you! (it was me showing off my new hair a few weeks ago! 😉 Gotta love the bragging selfies)
And NOOOOO that person at Hallmark! Wow… just wow. I don’t even know what to say. And, Proactive didn’t work for me either!
Um, love this, Jen! I struggled with acne for years and can’t tell you how many products I tried to get rid of it. Random strangers would make comments, and even (well-meaning) co-workers. Inwardly I was screaming, “you have no idea how self-conscious I feel, people, and you’re making it 10 times worse!”. And I just never understood why people would make unfeeling comments along the lines of, “what’s wrong with your face?”. It helps to hear from others in the same boat!
That is such a beautiful picture, Jen! Great smile! 🙂
My personal favorite is “You should try the Pill. Does wonders for *my* skin.” Um, no offense, Person, but even though the Church says it’s morally licit to treat conditions b/c of the principle of double effect, there are literally *thousands* of combinations treatments and preventative actions I can take to help treat acne that DON’T overhaul my cycle or increase my risk for cancer.
How about if I’m venting, you just reassure me I’m beautiful. And if you don’t know me and I didn’t bring this subject up, don’t say anything (looking at you woman at the Hallmark counter who took my ringing her up as sign it was appropriate for her to comment on my skin and then the next day bring in a whole kit of Pro-Active solution. Which by the way, DIDN’T WORK). Ugh..