Recently I wrote about how my husband and I are becoming missionaries with FOCUS and what a stretch this move will be for us. We are, of course, incredibly excited, but also a little overwhelmed by all of the things that are about to change in our lives. I’ve frequently looked at families like ours – ones on the precipice of a huge change – and wondered how they could do it. How did they manage to step out of the boat? How could they just go? It seemed crazy to me, radical, and yet inspiring. I wished I had the kind of faith they did, the faith it took to go, to follow God’s call, even if it seemed to be too much.
I’ve had friends who became missionaries – international missionaries – and were all set to go when they found out they were pregnant. Military friends and families who knew they were set for a big move and – bam – they too were pregnant in the middle of the chaos. Not that I’m proud to admit it, but I thought they were pretty crazy. Why not just wait to get pregnant? It seemed so easy to me to look at them and think they were out of their minds for getting pregnant in the middle of a monumental life change. Wouldn’t it just be easier to wait until they were settled in some place new? Put down some roots? Besides, who would want to move while pregnant?
So here I sit, eating my humble pie. We leave for training (which last five weeks – and we are driving across the country) in two weeks and I’m ten weeks pregnant. We’ll spend five weeks at training, drive back to Colorado (another 30 hour car trip), fundraise our salary in six weeks time, pack up our house, and move to whatever campus we’ve been assigned to.
To say that I’m overwhelmed would be an understatement. I’m excited, so excited for another little baby to squish and cuddle. I love, love, love when our daughter comes up to my belly and gives the baby a hug – it just melts my heart. And yet I can’t help but think about all the times I foolishly judged others for being in the situation I’m in now. Overwhelming though it may be, I know that God called us here, and He is calling us here now – not in a few months when things are settled. Joining FOCUS was stepping out of the boat, but I was comfortable with that. This, well, this is really stepping out of the boat, both feet on the stormy sea, and doing my best to keep my eyes focused on Him instead of drowning in to-do lists and ‘what if’ scenarios.
Sure, it would be easier to wait until we got to campus to try and get pregnant. It would be easier if we knew we’d raised a salary we could live on. It would be easier if we knew where we’d be living, found doctors we liked, etc. It would be easier, but God never said it would all be easy, He only said it would be worth it. And it will.
It would be more comfortable if things had gone according to my plan, lowly plan that it was. But as Pope Benedict XVI said, “The world offers you comfort, but you were not made for comfort. You were made for greatness.” Here’s to being made for greatness, for walking on stormy seas, and eating a big ole slice of humble pie. Here’s to stepping out of the boat and learning to trust Him like my life really depends on it, because, let’s face it, it does.
*This was not a method failure pregnancy or an unplanned pregnancy, rather it is what happens when you say you are open to life and put that into practice.