I can’t stop talking about my daughter. Well, I could, but I have absolutely no desire to. I want to take a zillion more pictures of her and show them off to anyone who will talk to me for more than a second. When she’s sleeping I want to watch her sleep, to soak up her quiet sweetness. When I’m feeding her and she’s peaceful and calm, I look through the pictures I’ve already taken of her. I just can’t get enough.
Motherhood is changing me, as I knew it would. I’m gaining a whole new perspective on life, love, and sacrifice. There isn’t a thing in the world I wouldn’t do for her. When she cries and I can’t figure out why, it breaks my heart. When she makes the tiniest little noise in the night, I’m ready to spring to action just to make sure she’s alright and as happy as can be. She’s my world, my joy, my everything. I love her Daddy more than I did before she was here. She makes every experience richer and sweeter knowing that I get to share it all with her. She brings more tears of joy to my eyes than I thought possible. Every little thing she does, from gripping my finger to a new facial expression, is a cause for me to smile even bigger than before. She’s worth every sacrifice it took to get here.
As I think about how much I love her, even after only a few days of life, I can’t help but realize that my love for her is so small. If I grew her and get to hold her, how much more does the God who created her, who knit her in my womb see and love her? And to think that He loves each and every one of us with that same love is a thought too incredible to comprehend. Sophia makes my heart grow and hold more love than I ever thought possible. In God’s eyes, we are each so precious, so loved, so cherished. He relishes over our tiny little accomplishments more than we know. The love that I have for Sophia, the way I long to talk about her and be near her is nothing compared to the love that God has for each of us. He longs to be near us. When we go away from us, He misses us.
Sophia cries and flails and pushes me away, but I stay close to her and promise that we’ll fix whatever is wrong – and I mean that with every fiber of my being. We cry and flail and push God away, but He stays close to us and promises us that we’ll get through it together. There’s nothing He wouldn’t do for us, including sacrificing His own Son (a thought that it too painful for this new mother to even consider). The depth of His love for us knows no bounds. I see it differently now as I write with little Sophia sleeping soundly next to me and it makes me appreciate His love for us all the more. As much as I delight in every little thing Sophia does (and I do mean every little thing – even when she spits up all over me!), He delights in each one of us infinitely more. It is a beautiful gift, this gift of motherhood, to see and love someone who is so dependent on me, and yet to realize that my love for her is but a drop in the bucket of the love that God has for her, and for all of us.