on gender reveals and unsolicited Opinions. 6 comments

Generally speaking, I think of myself as a fairly calm and collected person. Right? Right. I have my hot button issues (don’t we all?) but by and large I try to keep a level head about myself…unless you start trash talking and/or say something negative about my child. If that’s the case, you’ve suddenly awakened a beast the likes of which you may never have seen before. Let’s call this sudden and instant rage face the Momma Bear Phenomenon, or MBP for short.

Google "Momma Bear" and this is the first thing that comes up. Pretty fitting, I think.

Google “Momma Bear” and this is the first thing that comes up. Pretty fitting, I think.

I know, I know that people are divided about whether or not you should find out the gender of your child before they are born. I also know that when you work at a church the size of the one I work at (6,000+ families), in a job as public as the one I work in, people are bound to have even more of an opinion. What’s more, is that all of these people are even more likely to blurt out their opinions whether you ask for them or not. That’s fine and I’m getting used to that, but if you judge me, my husband or our child based on your opinion, you are bound to get a healthy dose of MBP up in your grill.

When it comes to finding out the gender, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But here’s my reality: unless you are going to actually give birth to the child currently inhabiting MY womb, you don’t get to be the final decision on just about anything. Will we find out the gender? Will we circumcise him if it is a boy? Will we pierce her ears at birth if it is a girl? What will we name our child? Will we (well, really, will I) breastfeed? Share your opinion if you must, but recognize and accept that at the end of the day, the decision is ours as her parents. Furthermore, once we’ve made our decision, don’t insist on judging or hating on us or implying that we are horrid parents because of whatever decision we’ve made.

Case in point:
I recently had a conversation with a person that went something like this (for the sake of the post we’ll call him Marshall):
Marshall: When is the baby due?
Me: March 24th
Marshall: Do you know what you are having?
Me: A girl!
Marshall: That’s the worst thing ever.
Me: What? Why?!
Marshall: That’s the last secret ever and you’ve already ruined it by finding out. What’s left now? Why would you find out?!
Me: Her name is a secret and we chose to find out for our own reasons. I never told you if she’s a baby human, so let that be your surprise.
And then I walked away.

If you don’t want to know what we are having, or if you are staunchly opposed to people finding out the gender of their baby, then for Heaven’s sake do not ask me. 

I’ve always had a bit of MBP in me since I work with kids, and, yes I do care for them as if they are my own, though it all seems different now with one of my own flesh and blood on her way. You cross my kid(s), I cross you. Don’t mess with the Momma Bear in me or you might not like what you get.*


*Again, share your opinion (solicited or not) if you must, but if you insist on judging me or saying things about my/our parenting and/or our children, I’ll be happy to lovingly (at least at first) remind you that she isn’t your child and it isn’t your decision, but thanks (?) for your opinion on the matter. I’ll tell you that I’ll take it under advisement, smile sweetly, say God Bless and then walk away. That’s your cue to not continue poking the bear.

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6 thoughts on “on gender reveals and unsolicited Opinions.

  • Deanna

    Yes yes yes!!! Amen to all of the above!!! I work in a large parish also (only 4500 families) and sometimes I wonder/worry what people are going to say about the decisions we make as parents. Like we’ve talked about before, sometimes I think people just assume that because we work for the Church = NO FILTER NEEDED because we work for God! We wouldn’t possibly be offended by anything you say right? >.<

    Mama Bears Unite. God give us strength.

  • ecutri

    I get crazy when people ask questions that are personal because they think they deserve to know. I get crazy when people pester me for the gender when I don’t know yet because they are “dying to know” – well I am too and when I’m ready to reveal the information, after we find out, we will…and not a second sooner no mater how much it’s killing you. I haven’t been the best on hiding my obvious pissed-off’d-ness but it’s my baby, not theirs…I’ll be protective because it took us 5 years and several heartaches and losses to get here and I’ll be damned if anyone pisses me off without getting anything in returned. #MBP all the way!

    • Amanda @ worthy of Agape

      Ah, yes, I get ALL of that. We are keeping the name a secret and people are “dying” to know, which is fine. Its our prerogative as her parents and we don’t want people thinking they have a say or a vote on her name. NOT YOUR CHILD, FOLKS.

      Mama Bear Phenomenon. Its a thing. 🙂

  • Andrea

    Hahaha… it’s funny how crazy people get about what they think motherhood/parenthood should be. At the end of the day, it’s raising and educating a soul for God. If you breastfeed or do fomula, carry your baby all the time or let them play on their own, let them cry sometimes or scoop them up right away, make only organic meals or buy frozen meals, etc that all so secondary and extra to getting the baby to Heaven. We loved finding out the gender and calling our baby Pio by his name before he arrived. To us, it made him more relatable and gave us a stronger connection to him. But if someone wants it a surprise, why not? No bearing on the baby’s soul or health in the least. 🙂 Get ready for the onslaught of opinions the internet and other moms have to offer. It gets kinda crazy, and at times very humorous.