on marrying Averagely. 5 comments

The average age for women to get married, at least that most places report, is 25. How old was I on our wedding day? You guessed it: the average (hence the title of the post) age of 25. Do I regret it? Am I sad I didn’t marry as young as I thought I would? Heck. No.

The reality is (and always was) that God knew what He was doing. I met Anthony for the first time when I was 23 – the age I thought and hoped I’d be married by. He, who was 27 years old when we first met, also thought he’d have gotten married younger. But we didn’t. We stood on that altar at 25 and 29 years of age, respectively. God – far, far, far more than either of us – knew what He was doing and knew what wonders He had in store for us.

The other reality is that I probably could have gotten married before Anthony came along. Anything is possible, right? However, I firmly believe that if I’d married anyone other than Anthony I wouldn’t be as happy as I am. He’s my ticket to Heaven – he pushes me, challenges me, and invites me to be holier (in more ways than I can even tell you!). I could go on and on about how wonderful marriage with Anthony is, but I’ll spare you the gushing. Suffice it to say that not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for the wonder and gift of my husband.

I look back at myself at age 22 or 23 and am (now, because I certainly wasn’t then) so grateful I didn’t get married then. I don’t think by any means that I, much less God, delayed my vocation. Before I got married I had a chance to do some traveling, write and publish a book and grow as a person. None of that time between when I thought I’d get married and when I actually got married was wasted time. God used (and still uses it) for His glory.

Of course none of this is to say that my way is perfect, right, or for every person everywhere, it simply worked for me. There are, I should also mention, some drawbacks to getting married at the age we did. To answer the first question: I almost never notice the age gap between Anthony and I. Four years really isn’t much, and the only time we sort of notice it is when we talk about things that happened in our childhood, i.e. Columbine, 9/11, etc. I will say, however, that because we are/were a bit older when we got married, we are also a little more set in our ways. We can and have changed, but some habits are more ingrained. For example, one of us hangs up a towel nicely and neatly while the other one…doesn’t. Most days this isn’t a problem, the one who likes the towels neatly hung simply re-hangs them. Other days this sends said person into a blind rage as to why the other can’t hang up a towel like a civilized human being. Maybe in the end we’ll grow even more in patience as we overcome our habits that annoy the other or grow to love them anyway.

For basically my entire life I’ve avoided average. I have always been at or near the top of the class, graduated early, got a job in my field young, etc. etc. Average is simply not my style. If I’m going to commit to doing something, I’m going to do it well – and that’s always been my motto. The same is true of marriage. Even though I got married at the average age, I’m committed to doing above average in our marriage, I’m committed to doing marriage well. In the end, the age I was on our wedding day doesn’t matter nearly as much as the meaning and action I’m willing to put into the vows that were said – and that’s anything but average.

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5 thoughts on “on marrying Averagely.

  • Julia

    Just for fun, I looked it up – the average age at marriage is 31.4 years for Australian men and 29.2 years for Australian women. In the USA it’s 29.8 (men) and 26.9 (women). Maybe these stats are out of date now though.

    I feel a little unusual among Catholic women in that I honestly don’t have a really strong desire to get married, and I never imagined I’d get married before 25, so it’s no shock to me that I’m 24 and nowhere near marriage. It sort of worries me that I’m not longing for marriage, though. I think I’ll only start to really want to get married if/when I meet a man I would really like to marry.

    So I sort of have the opposite problem to the one you had, Amanda. I haven’t spent my twenties wishing for marriage. In fact, I’ve sort of been really glad to be unmarried. But then I do wonder if I’ll hit 30 or 32 and suddenly be miserable due to being unmarried (I’ve heard that this happens.)

    Perhaps part of the reason that I don’t feel a sense of urgency about getting married is that my mother was 26 and my father was 34 when they got married. 26 is not old, but 34 is above average, and my father has said to me a few times that he doesn’t care if I get married late (or never.) “Don’t even think about getting married before you’ve seen Notre Dame in Paris,” he’s told me.

  • Laura @ Life is Beautiful

    Love this post! I too had hoped to get married in my early twenties, but now in my later twenties I’m so incredibly grateful for the experiences and growth I’ve had these years and know it will make me a better wife and mom in the future!

    • Amanda @ worthy of Agape

      Exactly! I wished for it SO much in my earlier twenties that I didn’t always appreciate the time I had before I got married. I appreciate it now and know those experiences – trials and joys – made me more prepared for marriage (and hopefully motherhood too!) 🙂