I know, I know. Who is this newly-wed lady to be talking about what marriage is teaching her? I know that I haven’t logged as many ‘married’ hours as others, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t see that marriage is already teaching me a thing or two. Who knows, this may even turn into a series or a link-up or something ;-)
One of the first things I noticed that marriage was (and is) teaching me is that often times it isn’t what you say but how you say it. I can tell my husband that I’m sorry and mean it or I can tell him that I’m sorry in frustration and annoyance. So often I’ve found that the way we communicate is just as important, if not more important, than what we are saying.
How do you read scripture? Do you read it as though God is speaking love to you or do you read it as though He is condemning you? The tone and the intention matter significantly, don’t they? When God tells us over and over in scripture “do not be afraid” He could be telling us that in a couple of different ways. He could be telling us that to assure us that there is, in fact, nothing to fear and that everything is under His perfect control. On the other hand, He could be telling us that in an annoyed tone because we keep pestering Him. The tone in which we read those words in scripture matters and deeply changes our perception of God. So too the words we speak in marriage to each other change how we understand and communicate back to our spouse.
I see this so often in married life that it is hard not to see it in my other interactions as well. Whether I’m talking to friends, people online or my co-workers, I’m much more conscious of not only what I’m saying but how I’m saying it. Before I got married I thought some about what I was saying as I said something, but not nearly as much as I do now. I also put a great deal more thought into how I’m saying something. The more I pay attention to the what and the how of my words, the more I see it changing things around me. I’m more aware of other people’s feelings, I’m more in control of my own feelings and words. If I don’t have something nice to say, I don’t say anything (for the most part). I’m by no means perfect, but I am growing. Not only is marriage helping me communicate better and more lovingly with Anthony, it is helping me communicate better and more lovingly with those around me.
So what do you think? Periodic “what marriage is teaching me” link up? Any interest?