With my own marriage mere days away now, I can’t help but reflect on this notion that you have to be 100% sure about the person you are going to marry before you get engaged. Somehow this notion of “100% certainty” has taken over with many of my friends near and far. Allow me, if you will, to take a few minutes to dispel this notion for exactly what it is: a myth.
There is no such thing as being 100% certain about who you are going to marry.
You can (and should) certainly give 100% of yourself in marriage, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be 100% certain when you get engaged, nor will you necessarily be 100% certain on your wedding day. If you had such a guarantee, marriage would be easy and everyone would do it and be perfectly successful. If we could be 100% certain, divorce would not happen. But guess what? Marriage isn’t easy. You don’t get a 100% guarantee. There is no return policy that comes with your marriage certificate, no money-back, full-proof, life-time refund policy. It isn’t there and it shouldn’t be. With great risk comes great reward.
Are we seeking love or security?
Are we seeking a life-time guarantee when it comes to marriage, or are we willing to put our money where our mouth is? Do we trust that God will provide, that He will see us through the tough times in marriage? Or are we falling short of trusting that God has led us to this person for marriage?
The reality is that you will never be 100% certain that you are supposed to marry so-and-so. The night before Anthony proposed I was irked at him for something that seems so trivial now. Even the day he proposed I was still irked. There have been some pretty trying days in our engagement. The less-than-Disney-perfect truth is that there have been days when I haven’t been as sure he is the man I’m supposed to marry. (That doesn’t mean I don’t want to marry him, but some days I am more sure than others.)
In a few days I’ll don my dress and walk down the aisle to Anthony. Filled with love, I still won’t be 100% sure that he’s the one I am supposed to marry, because if I were, this wouldn’t be reality. There are going to be hard days. There are going to be days that God stretches both of us further than we thought we could go. I know that on my wedding day I won’t be 100% sure, because in life there are very, very few things I’m 100% sure of. But at the end of each day I am 100% sure of this: God has led me to Anthony, to marriage with him, and just as sure as the sun will rise, God will be in the midst of our marriage, loving us, providing for us, and teaching us how to love each other (and hopefully our future children) as He loves each of us. Our security doesn’t come from each other, from knowing someone completely, from a pre-nup contract, or even from our vows. Our security comes from the only sure and steady thing we’ll ever know in this life: God. And that is the way it should be.