On Monday, as I was driving home, I was reflecting on the day and what a chaotic week this was going to pan out to be. Then I thought to myself, is this how it will always be?
It seems since getting engaged that each week has had its own project.
Week 1: Pick a date, find officiants, book the church and hall, find a dress
Week 2: Talk to friends and ask them to be my maid of honor/bridesmaid
Week 3: It starts to blur, but I’m sure there was some project…
Here I am, three months into engagement, and I’m still finding that each week is full of something. Whether it is finalizing invitation designs, stuffing said invitations, house hunting, dress alterations, making centerpieces, testing brownies, researching honeymoons, or some other big project, each week takes on a life of its own. I keep telling myself that once I get past x, y, or z, things will calm down. But really, the opposite is true.
People tell you that once you pick the dress everything else falls into place. Or the cake. Or the flowers. Or the bridesmaid dresses. Or your color scheme. Guess what? Some things fall into place, but some things have to be forcibly shoved into place and told to stay put or else Bridezilla will come out and eat them alive.
Then I tell myself that after May 31st, I’ll actually get to take a break (a.k.a. a honeymoon!). But in some sense, is that really a break? I’ll go from constant wedding things and being around people to only being around my husband (which, I promise you, I’m looking forward to far more than that previous statement makes it sound!). It will be a break, but it will be a new beginning, a week or so filled with activities and starting a new life together, transitioning from engagement to marriage, fiancée-dom to wife-dom. You could call it a break, or you could call it another week with an overarching theme: adjustment, excitement, and hopefully bliss.
On one level, this might all sound depressing: a never ending stream of weeks filled to the brim (with virtually no end in sight – do I really think married life will calm things down completely?) with things that must get done, people to see, and places to go. But on another level, the level I’m striving to embrace, it is hopeful. This stream of weeks each has its own tasks, its own ways that I can ‘lean in’, its own things to teach me. Each week gives me a new opportunity to be holy. Each week gives me another chance to try again, to grow, to be more loving, more patient, more forgiving, more compassionate…more like God. If each week is more of the same, then each week becomes more of an opportunity for holiness, grace, and allowing myself to be filled with God so that when others see me, they see a reflection of Him.