just don’t say it: engaged Yet? 2 comments


just dont say it engaged yet{Editor’s note: This post was, as you will clearly see, written before the engagement happened. Smile and laugh along anyway!}

Now that the proverbial cat is out of the bag, I can honestly say that among the more frustrating things that people ask (and have for quite some time) is whether or not I’m engaged yet. Second to the “Are you engaged yet?” question is the “When do you think you’ll be engaged?” question. As my friends and I talk about this, I realize I’m not the only one who gets miffed by these questions. In fact, just about anybody in any serious relationship seems to be plagued by these questions.

Don’t get me wrong, I get it. We all love love. We love the happy stories of how you met, when you knew you loved each other, and how he proposed. I’m a sucker for a good love story just as much as the next gal, but pestering people with questions of their engagement that has yet to happen is actually quite frustrating.

Oh, The Pressure

Most guys I’ve talked to would say that when people ask them (especially people who aren’t BFFs with the gent) if they are engaged yet or when they are going to propose, it only adds pressure to them. We are talking about a life long commitment here, folks. That isn’t something you should just rush into. Instead of pestering the guy with “When are you going to propose?” questions, how about talking through some practical advice about marriage and/or discerning marriage with a specific person?

Oh, The Dreams

Speaking from the ladies perspective, when you ask us if we are engaged yet or when or how we think he’ll propose, our brains go from zero to Pinterest-wedding-idea-overload in about .00000001 seconds. (A slight exaggeration, but you get my point.) Even if your question was well-intentioned, that doesn’t automatically stop us from daydreaming, which all too often threatens the joy of the present moment. If you want to know how the relationship is going or how serious we are, just ask that instead of jumping to engagements. Chances are that most ladies are happy to say, “The relationship is going well” or maybe it isn’t, but asking us open-ended questions gives us room to answer how we want. Asking us when we think we’ll be engaged adds pressure to us too!

Oh, The Disappointment

The more people ask (and I know, it isn’t as though all of the people get together and agree to pester a couple relentlessly about their potential engagement), the more the idea of an engagement gets in your head, even if you are doing everything in your power to remain rooted in the present and discern as rationally as possible. Once that idea is in your head, it is very easy (at least from the girl’s perspective) to start making plans…and then be disappointed if he doesn’t propose exactly as you had hoped and/or when you hoped. That disappointment is hard to deal with, for the guy and the girl!

Oh, The Reality

Here’s the reality: don’t you think that if a couple is engaged they’d be so gosh darn excited about it that they wouldn’t keep it from you? Engagements are exciting, it isn’t as though they are going to be hidden (unless certain family members need to be told first, but even then the engagement won’t be kept under wraps forever)! The reality is that marriage is a life-long commitment and isn’t something to be taken lightly. Rather than continually asking “Are you engaged yet? Are you engaged yet?” like a child on a road trip asks “Are we there yet?”, how about offering to pray for the couple as they discern marriage and a life together? There’s hardly a couple out there that would turn down prayers for what will arguably be one of the biggest decisions of their entire lives!


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2 thoughts on “just don’t say it: engaged Yet?

  • proverbialgirlfriend

    I was totally going to email you about writing such a post! Thank you for covering this issue. This has been my life the past summer! 😛 Still no ring, unless you count the key ring to my new apartment, but we are happily discerning and trusting in God’s timeline–not everyone else’s.