not alone: preparing for Marriage. 8 comments


not alone series

You are not broken. You are not lost. You are not left behind. You are on a journey to your vocation…so how do you prepare in the here and now for your future vocation?

I suppose in order to know how to prepare for your future vocation it would be helpful to know what your vocation actually is. I fully believe that my vocation, as I’ve written about before, is to marriage. However, I’m not married just yet. So, how can I prepare for that vocation? More importantly how do I prepare for my vocation of marriage?

I’ll be honest, sometimes I think I’m doing a good job of preparing myself for marriage someday, and other days I am down right suck-tastic at it. Here’s what I’ve learned over the years and the ways I have or am preparing myself for marriage:

Finances.

Last week I talked about how one of the perks of singlehood is the freedom I have financially. Now, I can use that financial freedom responsibly, or I can squander my extra earnings on things I don’t really need. I’ll be honest, I’ve been not so great at this part over the years. Once upon a time I had a well paying youth ministry job (rare, but true) and I still wonder where my extra income went. I could have saved that extra money for a rainy day, a down payment for a house, or wedding expenses. I could have chosen to pay down my loans even faster. I could have locked some of it away in a high-yield savings account. Or I could have bought silly things, traveled, bought a car, and gone out to eat whenever and wherever I wanted. Guess which option I took. Now that money is tighter I’ve learned to manage it better and watch what I spend, and save as much as I can for my future, and for my children’s sake. 

Deep prayer.

Prayer: Rosary. Mary's intercession. Notebook where I write to my future husband.

Prayer: Rosary. Mary’s intercession. Notebook where I write to my future husband.

I could just say prayer here, but there is a depth to my prayer about and for my future vocation that is different from my normal prayers. I pray for my future husband. Every. Single. Day. I write to him. I pray that God would prepare my heart now to love him (whoever he is) however God wants and needs me to love my future spouse. Of course I’ll love my spouse in my own way, but I’m constantly asking God to give me experiences and teach me ways that I can love my future spouse in exactly the way he’ll want and need to be loved. My love is imperfect since I’m not God (duh), so  it is important to seek the source of perfect love so that He can teach me how to love as He does.

Married fellowship.

I’ve got loads of friends who are married, some with no kids {yet}, some with one kid, and some with a gaggle of children. I find it important and helpful to spend time with them and learn from them. They’ve got wisdom to share about the struggles of marriage and parenthood, so why not soak up all that knowledge and put it to good use someday?

Saintly intercession.

I’m seriously knocking on the doors of saints all. the. time. Their intercession guides me and grants me peace as I wait for and seek my future spouse. My favorite intercessors lately include: St. Thérèse, St. Joseph, Our Lady Undoer of Knots (really, just Mary in general), St. Agnes, St. Rita, St. Anthony, and St. Paul. I call them my holy BFFs, and they are an awesome group of folks to talk to and ask for their guidance!

I think the biggest thing I can do to prepare for marriage is to ask God to show me whatever He needs me to see and experience before marriage. I may not always understand all that He brings me to, but I trust that He’s got more reasons for it all than I’ll know on this side of Heaven. I choose to believe He’s bringing me all kinds of crazy and amazing experiences because they are shaping me for all that He has in store for me, including my marriage, and hopefully for motherhood.


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8 thoughts on “not alone: preparing for Marriage.

  • Beth Anne

    These are great tips. One thing a lot of people have told me on this topic is to learn how to cook. I never really thought about it but it has been fun the last couple of years to try new recipes and learn how to grocery shop better. I think it’ll make married life that much easier.

  • Veronica

    Oooh finances. You make great points. I need to start thinking about my husband….it’s not fair if I suck up all the money to pay off my loans!! I have to try harder to do my part NOW. I’ve got to pray to my own holy BFFS! (Awesome name for saint friends) Lastly, I love your last paragraph. I’ll definitely be praying for the Lord to show me what he needs me to see and experience to be prepared for marriage. Thanks for the insight, Amanda!

    • Amanda @ worthy of Agape

      Yea…finances have been a struggle for me! Sometimes I selfishly want to spend all of my “fun” money now so that he isn’t “hogging” it someday or so that my kids don’t steal it all away. How selfish is that?! I’m learning and saving and curbing my spending now so it is less of an issue (or NOT an issue at all!) in the future!

      Ah, holy BFFS 😉

      I think God is constantly preparing our hearts for the future, including our future vocation! Sometimes we just need our eyes to be open to seeing what it is He is teaching! (Or maybe I’m just stubborn!)

      Glad you enjoyed the post!

  • Kate

    Very good reminders! I’ve always been infatuated with the idea of being married, but only recently have really considered what married life holds and what type of wife I would like to be. In addition, I’ve also been praying and repeating to myself the following: “Lord God, only allow what brings me close to you.” Hence, only allow me to fall in love with a man whom is close to you Lord, Jesus and also wants to love and cherish me as his girlfriend –> future wife:)

    • Amanda @ worthy of Agape

      Glad you enjoyed the post! 🙂 I tend to agree – for a long time I’ve dreamt about being married without ever putting much thought into what it would be like in the day-to-day things.

      LOVE your prayer, that is so beautiful!