just don’t say it: guys and Singlehood.


just dont say it guys and singlehood

So far the “just don’t say it” series has been gender neutral, or aimed at the gals. This week and next week I’m focusing on the gentleman (and yes, I do have male readers!). I’ve received a number of questions about the things that guys should avoid saying to single girls, things they say that are hurtful and they don’t realize it, and ways to help build them up rather than tear them down. I’ve also had a number of questions about the things that guys should avoid saying to the girls they are dating to help them guard their hearts – come back next week for that post!

This post simply wouldn’t be possible without real-life experience, sisterhood, fellowship, and the input of some wonderful friends of mine. Be advised, gents, that this list is by no means comprehensive, but should give you an idea of the things (and attitudes) to avoid when talking to single girls if you’d like to not be on the receiving end of a death stare!

  • “No wonder you haven’t been on more dates!”

    • You may mean this is a joke, but this statement, no matter the context, is quite likely to cut deep. No matter how many dates the lady in question has been on, this statement comes across as an insult and has an undertone of “something about you is completely undesirable.”
  • You’re the kind of gal a man marries.”
    • On one level, I can understand how this sounds like, and is probably even intended as a compliment. Here’s why it is not: if I’m the kind of girl a man marries, it implies that I’m the kind of girl that guys get around to…someday. It implies that I’ll eventually be worth the effort whenever the guy decides it it time to settle down, but he’s not there/I’m not worth it yet. In order to marry someone you must first date. When you say that I’m the kind of girl a man marries, it has a way of sounding like I’m not the kind of woman you’d actually date. I’m the nice girl you bring home to Mom, or the girl you hire to take to the fancy places as a trophy but not actually invest your heart into.
  • “You’re too _______.”
    • Fill in the blank with whatever you like: picky, faithful, well-behaved, honorable, nice, generous, etc. Chances are that we fear or worry about those things on our own anyway and we don’t need you to confirm our fears. Besides, we are all doing our very best to be the person that God created us to be, so would you like to go an insult His creation to His face, or would you rather take this to prayer and perhaps guide us towards holiness instead?
  • “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
    • Similar to when I wrote about the things not to say to single folks this just has a way of coming across all wrong. Even if it is well-intentioned, it makes it sound like you are defining us by our relationships (or lack thereof) rather than who we are as an individual. Plus, chances are that most of us would love to be in a happy, fruitful relationship and asking us why we don’t have a boyfriend is like rubbing salt in an open wound.

Sometimes videos and other people just say it better than I do, so I give you, the top ten things you should never say to a girl:

And there you have, go now, be wise, and love on your sisters in Christ!

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