Recently, one of my wonderful Catholic sisters shared a blog that I thought was particularly brilliant. The blog, called “Dating Tip #1: You Don’t Have To Date“, finally gives words to what I’ve wanted to say for some time now.
Maybe it is because I see the vast majority of my college friends getting engaged, getting married, and having babies. Maybe it is because I’m just really fed up with the whole dating game. Maybe it is all of that. Maybe it is none of that. But I think it is high time that someone said it is okay not to date. Dating is not this thing that you have to do, or else you’ll be forever labeled as weird or a loner, a loser, an outcast, or a crazy cat lady. Thoughts like that pretty much drive me nuts.
It can easily drive me nuts when anyone – married, not married, people I know, random strangers on the street – tells me that they wish I could just be in a relationship. I understand their motiviations, they want me to experience the same happiness they do. What they fail to realize is that their story isn’t my story. Relationships are not this magic thing that you rub a lamp and ask the magic genie for. They don’t happen when you wish upon a falling star, pick up a lucky penny in the street, or any other superstitious thing. Relationships happen when they are supposed to. They aren’t something to be entered into just for the heck of it, or because you are bored, or because you just like the attention that other person gives you. That being said, I want to reinforce the point: it is okay not to date!
Think about that chore you least like to do, that chore for which you would rather pay a maid than do it yourself. For me, it is dusting. I hate dusting. It stirs up my allergies, makes me itchy and sneezy, and cranky, and is pretty much the most boring chore I can think of. If I’m at a point in my life where I equate dating with doing the chores (i.e. dusting) then I probably shouldn’t be dating. There is the chance, of course, that someone could come along and make “dusting” (a.k.a. dating) fun. Then, I might change my ‘tude. But so long as dating is synonymous with dusting, then I just shouldn’t do the chores. If you aren’t ready to date, if you don’t feel like dating, if it seems like more of a hassle than a joy to you, if you don’t feel called to dating, if you don’t feel called to marriage, if you feel that God is calling you to singlehood (at least for now), then don’t date. And for His sake, don’t feel bad about it.
If you don’t want to date, then don’t. Dating when you aren’t ready or you don’t want to, or you think it is about as much fun as dusting, isn’t good for your heart, nor is it fair to your date’s heart, time, or wallet. The dusting can wait. The dust isn’t going anywhere, it will be there waiting for me whenever I’m ready to pick up the dust rag. To those friends who are pressuring you to date, or trying to set you up when you clearly don’t want to be, or who just want you to be happy: remind them that you are happy, and that this is your story, and that waiting for the best dusting-buddy God can find for you is worth the wait. Because it is.
But until that time, enjoy not doing the chores. Enjoy the season that God is calling you to. When you are ready, and when you feel God leading you, and when that person comes along who makes dusting fun , whenever all of that happens to be, you can dust until your little heart is content.
Also, be sure to come back on Wednesday for my super awesome 200th blog! (And pray for it and me, it’s struggling author!) If God takes over the keyboard (which is His usual fashion) then it shall be rad; Lord, may I decrease so that You may increase!
See you Wednesday, lovely readers! 😉