don’t do the Chores. 4 comments

Recently, one of my wonderful Catholic sisters shared a blog that I thought was particularly brilliant. The blog, called “Dating Tip #1: You Don’t Have To Date“, finally gives words to what I’ve wanted to say for some time now.

Maybe it is because I see the vast majority of my college friends getting engaged, getting married, and having babies. Maybe it is because I’m just really fed up with the whole dating game. Maybe it is all of that. Maybe it is none of that. But I think it is high time that someone said it is okay not to date. Dating is not this thing that you have to do, or else you’ll be forever labeled as weird or a loner, a loser, an outcast, or a crazy cat lady. Thoughts like that pretty much drive me nuts.

It can easily drive me nuts when anyone – married, not married, people I know, random strangers on the street – tells me that they wish I could just be in a relationship. I understand their motiviations, they want me to experience the same happiness they do. What they fail to realize is that their story isn’t my story. Relationships are not this magic thing that you rub a lamp and ask the magic genie for. They don’t happen when you wish upon a falling star, pick up a lucky penny in the street, or any other superstitious thing. Relationships happen when they are supposed to. They aren’t something to be entered into just for the heck of it, or because you are bored, or because you just like the attention that other person gives you. That being said, I want to reinforce the point: it is okay not to date!

That is NOT how I look when I dust.

Think about that chore you least like to do, that chore for which you would rather pay a maid than do it yourself. For me, it is dusting. I hate dusting. It stirs up my allergies, makes me itchy and sneezy, and cranky, and is pretty much the most boring chore I can think of. If I’m at a point in my life where I equate dating with doing the chores (i.e. dusting) then I probably shouldn’t be dating. There is the chance, of course, that someone could come along and make “dusting” (a.k.a. dating) fun. Then, I might change my ‘tude. But so long as dating is synonymous with dusting, then I just shouldn’t do the chores. If you aren’t ready to date, if you don’t feel like dating, if it seems like more of a hassle than a joy to you, if you don’t feel called to dating, if you don’t feel called to marriage, if you feel that God is calling you to singlehood (at least for now), then don’t date. And for His sake, don’t feel bad about it.

If you don’t want to date, then don’t. Dating when you aren’t ready or you don’t want to, or you think it is about as much fun as dusting, isn’t good for your heart, nor is it fair to your date’s heart, time, or wallet. The dusting can wait. The dust isn’t going anywhere, it will be there waiting for me whenever I’m ready to pick up the dust rag. To those friends who are pressuring you to date, or trying to set you up when you clearly don’t want to be, or who just want you to be happy: remind them that you are happy, and that this is your story, and that waiting for the best dusting-buddy God can find for you is worth the wait. Because it is.

They look like they are enjoying at least being together…
totally worth the wait.

But until that time, enjoy not doing the chores. Enjoy the season that God is calling you to. When you are ready, and when you feel God leading you, and when that person comes along who makes dusting fun , whenever all of that happens to be, you can dust until your little heart is content.

Also, be sure to come back on Wednesday for my super awesome 200th blog! (And pray for it and me, it’s struggling author!) If God takes over the keyboard (which is His usual fashion) then it shall be rad; Lord, may I decrease so that You may increase!
See you Wednesday, lovely readers! πŸ˜‰

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4 thoughts on “don’t do the Chores.

  • Morgan

    I so agree! When I read that post it brought me SO MUCH peace because it clearly stated everything that my heart has been wondering: “is there something wrong with ME?” “why am I the only one of my friends without a boyfriend/fiancee/husband?!”
    Having security and TRUST in the Truth that our God is SO loving, SO aware of our every need and desire, that no matter what, He knows what He’s doing with OUR story…even if it doesn’t look like anyone elses πŸ™‚

    AMDG, Morgan

  • Kristi

    I really agree with this post. It’s funny because all of the times that I have chosen not to date have been the times in my life where I have grown the most. It is so challenging, lonely, and difficult to be alone, but often those are the times you find out what you are made of and grow deeper in intimacy with the Lord. And the process of becoming better is usually done in the periods of dryness.

    I just think it is important to remember that becoming the best, holiest version of yourself is NOT for the sake of a man- it is for the Lord. To honor and respect him. And as a result you just become a better person, which makes you more attractive. Thanks for writing Amanda!

  • Amanda @ worthy of Agape


    You make a good point, and perhaps I should have stated my point more clearly. I’ve never been one to advocate for waiting for a man to come along and make everything happy and fun. I think that is exactly the wrong attitude towards dating and relationships. The only man who will ever complete me is Jesus. If dating seems like a chore, I agree, that person should take that to prayer and ask the Lord to heal whatever hurt or anxiety is related to dating. My main point, however, is that if for any reason a person feels as though dating is a chore then they shouldn’t do it, period. Sometimes dating so-and-so may seem like a chore, which is an indicator that you shouldn’t date that person. On the other hand, someone different may come along and dating them would not be a chore, but rather something exciting, which would be an indicator that that relationship is worth pursuing. Does that make more sense?

    Relationships are about giving and taking, giving the Lord’s love and being able to receive it from another. I don’t expect men to fix me or any of my other readers. In fact, I’ve written about the dangers of that before in a post called “eating my Words.” Part of showing men respect is being able to tell them that you are not ready to date, rather than leading them on.

    I pray that this clarifies any misunderstandings in my original post.
    In His love,