I am not always a rational person. Is anyone ever a fully rational person? Unless you’ve turned into Spock, I highly doubt it.
I’m the kind of person that sometimes takes forever to make a decision. I’m not talking about deciding on what to wear (though I am a girl and that can be a lengthy process at times too) or what to eat at a restaurant, I’m talking about making important life decisions. A lot of the time the advice I get on making such decisions is to use reason and logic and make the decision with my head and not rely so much or at all on my emotions. It sounds like great advice, who doesn’t want to make rational decisions? And yet I’ve always struggled with this advice.
I make decisions with my head and my heart, its not something I will apologize for anymore because I believe it is the way God made me. I can make a plan and walk into a situation with that plan but sometimes my heart leads me in a different direction than I originally planned. Does that mean that I’m being irrational, unreasonable or illogical? Sometimes, but I also believe that the Lord makes His dwelling in our hearts so if I feel my heart leading me in another direction, why wouldn’t I follow?
Need an example? Okay. Over the last few months there has been a potential for more hours at my youth ministry job. I spent a lot of time praying about what God was calling me to and I discussed my thoughts and dreams with my closest and most trusted friends and family members. As I waited for a response from the “powers that be” at my office another part-time job presented itself to me and I had to decide whether or not to take it and perhaps quit not long after taking it or turn it down and pray for the best with the job at the church. Lots of praying, lots of discussing and finally I reached a decision. I took the other part-time job and waited for the church job to come back with some kind of an offer. My mind and heart were made up, come what may…or so I thought. A lot of the reasons I had come to the decision I had were wrapped around where I thought my life was heading in the next few months or so and then suddenly that all changed. I felt as though I had to re-question my decision about my job(s) and what I really wanted. I had a plan but my life and my heart started to lead me in another direction.
I waited in hope for the church job to give me an answer (sooner rather then later) and I kept working my other part-time job, and I kept questioning where God was calling me in light of my changing and less-than-certain future. I let my heart lead the way and I trusted that God was leading it, as He always does when I get over my stubborn and thick-headed pride and allow Him to lead me. I made a decision and opened my heart to whatever God laid before me. Then, at long last, the offer came in from my ministry job. I waited in hope and I had my plan in my head but I wasn’t sure what I would do until I knew what the offer would be. I made a plan with my head and let my heart lead me to a final decision when the time came. And do you know what? I ended up in the same place as I originally had, but now that all is said and done I have more peace than before because I let my heart be my guide.
Everyone has a different process by which they make decisions. It is easy for me to sit here and type out or say that I will do x, y, and z in a given situation. But the truth is that until you put me in that situation I don’t know where my heart will lead me and if I’ll end up doing x, y, z or decide instead to do a,b, and c. For the first time in a long time I’m okay with not making decisions far in advance because I have faith and trust that the Lord is leading my heart. He allows me to make a game plan before hand but He’s allowed my heart to be so broken that it is finally open to His will, whatever that will be. I won’t know it in advance. I won’t know it until the moment He chooses to reveal it to the depths of my heart, even if the decision doesn’t come until the 11th hour. Praised be Jesus that He’s leading my heart and that throughout all of my brokenness lately, He’s really been breaking me open to His plan (not my own) for my life. I shall choose to live from my heart because He lives there and as He makes His home in my heart I trust that He won’t ever lead it astray. Let the journey begin!
What I’m Listening To:
“Don’t Give Up On Me” by Jason Aldean
“I Know You’re Gonna Be There” by Luke Bryan
“See You When I See You” by Jason Aldean
“Keep Your Eyes Open” by NeedToBreathe