Seriously?! Are you kidding me?! Both are phrases I used a lot last week as I got sucked into the drama-pit better known as the impending Kardashian divorce. At first I was annoyed; more meaningless news about Kim Kardashian, more tabloid fodder. I promised myself I wouldn’t read anymore about it…and then I just couldn’t stop reading every “news” article about it – why she filed for divorce, how she failed to tell her husband and he found out through TMZ, how she e-mailed her family before filing for divorce, how torn up she is about the whole thing, how much money she made on the wedding, blah, blah, blah. After all, just about anybody has to admit that 72 days of marriage is a little pathetic, laughable even, unless one of the parties dies, especially given that the wedding cost $10 million dollars (I read that is approximately $138,888 for each DAY of their marriage). As I continued to read countless articles I asked myself, what can we learn from this? Actually, a lot.
Goodness gracious, you would think this would be OBVIOUS to most (it not ALL) people by now, but clearly its not. Also, please understand that when I say communicate I mean with your significant other, not with TV cameras, newspapers, magazines, etc., if you are going to marry that person then you need to talk to THAT person. Talk about where you are going to live when you are married, how many kids you want and when, whether or not you will take his last name, etc. Talk to each other, a lot. All of the time. Frequently. About everything. Trust me, you’ll find that you can hardly make it through a TV show without wanting to talk to your significant other because even issues raised in comical TV shows make you think – thoughts you should be sharing with your future spouse.
2. Trust your heart.
Apparently Kim has said that she’s been struggling with her marriage for the last two months (so, less than 2 weeks into the whole shindig) and that she nearly called off the wedding. Don’t you think her heart, perhaps even her conscience was trying to tell her something? God, in His infinite goodness, writes Truth on our hearts, sometimes we listen and sometimes we don’t. In my experience, life is much happier when I listen to that little voice in my head/heart. If you have serious doubts or concerns it comes down to two options: talk about them with your significant other or leave…have the decency to walk away before you break their heart…or the bank.
I’m not going to pretend to know Kim or her motives, but if you can’t even be mature enough to tell your husband you are divorcing him, you probably aren’t mature enough to get married in the first place [I completely acknowledge that there are situations, i.e. abuse, in which telling your significant other of divorce before-the-fact would be unnecessary and may even create more troubles]. There is a lot to be said for two mature adults getting married. It takes a lot of open communication (and sometimes some tough skin) to be in a committed relationship and to stick around when the going gets tough. Marriage ain’t for the weak and immature!
Figure out how to work out your differences before you get into a marriage. That doesn’t mean you won’t ever fight once you get married, but at least you’ll have a framework for communicating and working out your problems. Also, figure out what’s worth fighting for and what isn’t. i.e. what kind of dog you will get vs. where you will live once you’re married. Some things are important and some things are details that will get worked out in time. Pick your battles.
5. Don’t break the bank on some fancy wedding.
Sure, most girls grew up dreaming of the fairytale wedding complete with a ballroom gown, a huge diamond ring, flowers everywhere and a band to dance the night away to. Most people I know who work in the marriage industry/ministry will tell you that the couples that get married and their wedding focuses more on the love and less on the details are the couples that, down the road, are happier and actually stick together. Where are your priorities?
A 72-day marriage is sad. A website that calculates how many “Kardashians” you’ve been together for is…funny and sad. Not learning from others’ mistakes is an even bigger tragedy. Just like our parents don’t want us to make the same mistakes they made, let’s try not to repeat the mistakes of others.
Lord, open our eyes to learn from the mistakes of others. Grant us the grace to learn and grow through our own mistakes, but also through the mistakes of others. By this continual learning may we be ever-closer to Your perfect heart. AMEN.