Disclaimer: No fully human man can fill the God-shaped hole in our hearts. In no way, shape, or form, am I saying that any man can or should fill that hole. Trying to use him to fill a hole made for Him only results in further heartache and agony. That being said…
I’ve talked about this before. Read the urge for a Husband first – I talk about how you can kill a woman’s heart by attacking her relationships, especially her desire for romantic love.
The world is full of Adams. I’m not just talking about people named Adam, I’m referring to guys who act like biblical Adam in the Garden of Eden. Adam failed his wife. When push came to shove, he failed to defend her, to fight for her honor, take the blame for her, or even love her with any amount of his heart. The Lord asks, “Who told you that you were naked? You have eaten, then, from the tree of which I had forbidden you to eat!” And what does Adam say? How does he reply? “The woman whom you put here with me – she gave me fruit from the tree, so I ate it.” (Gen. 3:11-12). Not only does he not stand up for her, he flat out blames her. Its her fault! [And how many times have you heard guys today STILL using this very excuse? Its been “our” fault since the beginning of time!? If your guy uses this excuse, that should be a HUGE red flag!]
Adam fails. Eve (though not yet named) looks to her husband for support, for relief, for defense, for hope, for love and he sells her out, he watches his own behind without care for her heart, her guilt, or her sin. Its all about him and keeping his rear end safe. Even as I write this I can think of stories my friends have told and guys I’ve encountered in my own life who are completely an Adam. Don’t get me wrong – we needed Adam, we needed him to toil the ground and be the father of the human race, but that doesn’t mean that he was right or good just because we needed him. The same is true today, just because we want (or even say that we need) a man, doesn’t make all of them right. You want to strike at a woman’s heart? Attack her relationships, let her down.
Women are so often looking for our heart’s companion – we look to the countless Adams of this world and we are constantly let down. Time and time again they show up late for a date, they show up drunk, they made out with some one else, they don’t actually love us, they bail on us at the last minute, and so many other things that leave our heart aching. We keep seeking an Adam when we really need Jesus.
Jesus defends us. Think of Mary Magdalene – she is found committing adultery and Jesus defends her as the town circles around to throw stones at her. He stands in front of her and tells everyone to go away, unless they are sinless (which they are not). He defends her.
Jesus fights for our honor. He dies on the cross that our honor would be restored, He dies so that sin does not have power over us.
Jesus takes the blame for us. Again, He dies on the cross, “He was pierced for our offenses, crushed for our sins” (Isaiah 53:5). He takes our shame, our pain, our sins upon His back. He takes our place on the cross that should have been ours.
Jesus gives us hope. He tells us that He is preparing a room for us in His Father’s house and that He will come for us (John 14:1-4). He tells us, reminds us that we know the way and that He will be with us.
Jesus loves us. He takes us, His little sheep and guides us, He speaks to us, He send us the Advocate. Jesus loves us.
Where Adam failed, Jesus triumphs in a blaze of unending love. Seek Jesus. There are real men out there, real men who are striving to be like Jesus in a world seemingly full of Adams. Guys – do you want to know how to find love? Be love. Imitate Jesus, not Adam. Be a Man. So here’s my top ten suggestions, based on the love Christ shows all of us (all of these are true whether the girl you are thinking of is your best friend, your sister, your crush or your wife):
How to Be a MAN and Love Women:
10. Do what you say you will. Call if you said you were going to (don’t just send a text).
9. Be where you say you are going to be, when you say you are going to be there.
8. Be there for us – don’t flake out, back out at the last minute, don’t sell us out when the Lord comes a knockin’
7. Defend our honor (with special reference to our chastity of mind, body and soul).
6. Be there and listen. God listened to Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, and even though He didn’t take the cup from Jesus, He listened. (You may not be able to solve our problems, but you can always listen and console us – God sent an angel to comfort Jesus [Luke 22:43] in the Garden.)
5. Share your heart with us, and we’ll share ours with you.
4. Love us like we are the only girl in the world. (Jesus was thinking of each one of us INDIVIDUALLY as He hung on the cross)
3. Seek Jesus before you seek us. You can’t possibly love us unless you are allowing yourself to be filled with His holy love.
2. Be a spiritual leader – lead us closer to, not further from Jesus.
1. Imitate Jesus. Love us like He loves the Church (Ephesians 5:22-27).
Its too good not to quote:
“Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish”